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Posts: 118
Dec 9 09 5:09 PM
Posts: 3117
Dec 9 09 5:23 PM
Co-dependents put all their efforts into those around them, neglecting to fully take care of themselves, especially emotionally
Mental attention is focused on solving the problems of others or relieving their pain, and when these goals are accomplished, their self-esteem rises.
Co-dependents have unrealistic expectations of themselves, are unable to accept their own limitations, and use control and manipulation to avoid facing reality.
Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.
Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own.
Anxiety and boundary distortions around intimacy and separation.
Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co-dependent, and/or impulse-disordered individuals.
......cuz if not, that is very scary and sad.....and I hope your HP opens your eyes....for YOUR benefit.... The big book....talks about the people who can't recover are the people who do not have the ability and/or the willingness to get HONEST WITH THEMSELVES.... I still don't understand why on God's green earth you would want to be with this woman EVER again.....Do you feel that lowly of yourself....that you won't pursue a relationship with a healthy woman who will LOVE YOU back! ....and a woman who doesn't have possible potential (after meth, after whoring around, after lieing, and after maybe finding your God)....but a woman who already possesses the qualities that you would want in a woman....if you felt worthy.
Posts: 3610
Dec 9 09 8:36 PM
Posts: 1052
Dec 11 09 9:54 AM
Dec 11 09 11:20 AM
1) Co-dependents put all their efforts into those around them, neglecting to fully take care of themselves, especially emotionally.
Emotionally I am fine, not perfect but who is? And, much better since looking to Christ to change her instead of her; 2) Mental attention is focused on solving the problems of others or relieving their pain, and when these goals are accomplished, their self-esteem rises.
If I can help her I will thank God that He has chosen to be merciful to her. I will have nothing to esteem myself over, and alot to thank Him and esteem Him for; 3) Co-dependents have unrealistic expectations of themselves, are unable to accept their own limitations, and use control and manipulation to avoid facing reality.
I realize my limits so I will look to Christ; 4) Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.
Know I am not in control and Christ is so I will look to Him; 5) Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own.
I have alot of needs so I am looking to Christ for my needs and the needs of those I love; 6) Anxiety and boundary distortions around intimacy and separation.
Talk about vague psychobable...you can twist this to mean almost anything, clearer please...and, I am content if she is with me or apart, and though I do desire her to be well and present, my contentment is in Him; 7) Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co-dependent, and/or impulse-disordered individuals. I am a sinner like anyone else. Christ did not shun anyone other than the self-righteous Pharisees. i.e., those who were good enough or could help themselves. I will try to do the same. And why I would want to be with her, she is special and beautiful but damaged and sinful, as we all are. Christ can mend that, if He chooses, and if He does she could make a wonderful wife...and...if God brings someone else and I together then so be it, I will be happy with that and thankful too.
Posts: 1242
Dec 11 09 11:27 AM
Dec 11 09 11:33 AM
Posts: 11836
Dec 11 09 12:02 PM
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Dec 11 09 12:40 PM
As Christ has been patient with me, so I would like to follow Him by being patient with her, and with others too, and endure and continue to hope...these are good gifts and I covet them... 1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.
12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
13 (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.
14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.
15 But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.
16 And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification.
17 For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)
18 Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.
19 For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.
20 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:
21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5
Dec 11 09 1:03 PM
Dec 11 09 2:41 PM
What the self-proclaimed humanists won't tell you: 16For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.
17For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.
18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
19Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.
20For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
21Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
23And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:16-32
Posts: 177
Dec 11 09 4:22 PM
Dec 11 09 4:38 PM
Sass, do you know that she will not be saved tomorrow? Do you know that God will not give her a new heart today? Or incline her heart to be reconciled with Him, and me too, today? As for letting her go, I do not have control over her nor she over me. If you mean give up hope for her I do not believe that would be something a Christian should do. If you mean determine that there is no way she and I will ever be together, I know that no more than I know that we will be together. All things are possible with God. Including that. And, I am not consumed with her. It kinda amazing me that many here are consumed with wanting me to give up hope for her and for there being an "us" possibly in the future. Seems very strange to me...I do not know if there will be or not and I am sure no one here does either. God is good either way. God does things every bit and much more amazing than His reconciling her and I would be. Reconcilliation may seem strange to people by nature, but I think it not strange to think that a God who reconciled His enemies to Himself by the death of His Son may reconcile her and I. I hope He does. It seems like many here would be disappointed if that happened, and that to me seems even stranger.
Dec 12 09 6:11 AM
Posts: 1296
Dec 12 09 11:39 AM
Dec 14 09 5:22 PM
and yet it still amazes me that believing that there is a possibility of reconcilliation seems so strange to so many...I really do not know what will happen. I work, I laugh, I live a pretty normal life other than the fact that I love someone with some non-typical difficulties. I do not know if God will reconcile her and I but I sure hope so. By God's grace in Christ I trust He will have me look to Christ to be my joy and my peace more and more either way...and to trust that He is Great and Merciful enough to help her, and to reconcile her to Himself and to reconcile her to me if He so sees fit...He helps the undone, the meritless, real sinners like myself...He replaces sorrow with joy...it is not strange for me to think that He is merciful...mercy is because of Christ...I think I am gone now for awhile...I may stop back in after the first of the new year...I wish you well...Sean
Posts: 26539
Dec 14 09 5:45 PM
Retro Space Cadet
Dec 14 09 5:49 PM
Posts: 6807
Dec 14 09 6:03 PM
Posts: 13283
Dec 14 09 6:38 PM
Best Friend to KCI
DETECTIVE345 wrote: Sass, do you know that she will not be saved tomorrow? Do you know that God will not give her a new heart today? Or incline her heart to be reconciled with Him, and me too, today? As for letting her go, I do not have control over her nor she over me. If you mean give up hope for her I do not believe that would be something a Christian should do. If you mean determine that there is no way she and I will ever be together, I know that no more than I know that we will be together. All things are possible with God. Including that. And, I am not consumed with her. It kinda amazing me that many here are consumed with wanting me to give up hope for her and for there being an "us" possibly in the future. Seems very strange to me...I do not know if there will be or not and I am sure no one here does either. God is good either way. God does things every bit and much more amazing than His reconciling her and I would be. Reconcilliation may seem strange to people by nature, but I think it not strange to think that a God who reconciled His enemies to Himself by the death of His Son may reconcile her and I. I hope He does. It seems like many here would be disappointed if that happened, and that to me seems even stranger.
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