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Advice to loved ones update.
I am speaking as a recovering addict, husband, father and forum member. These are my personal peer-to-peer opinions only.
Each and every relationship is unique and the things that apply to one, may not apply to another. The only time I strongly recommend staying with a meth addict is:
1. If you are married and are convinced that the marriage can be salvaged and that both of you are willing to sacrifice a great deal.
2. There are common children.
3. You are the parent or family member. If the addict is an adult, he/she needs to act like an adult. If the child is a minor, do everything you can to help them.
4. I dont recommend staying with a girlfriend boyfriend or fianc if one of them is an active meth addict. If the addict stays clean for a year, one might consider renewing the relationship.
There are exceptions.
Some things to consider when trying helping a loved one to quit using drugs. (or to stay quit)
1. Addicts are human beings. We are not perfect.
2. Dont take his behavior personally.
3. Consider his willingness to change.
4. He is in pain and suffering form internal conflict even though he may seem totally different outwardly.
5. Dont try to FIX him.
6. Begin building trust in your relationship.
7. He is aware of his own needs.
8. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN
9. Be patient.
10. Look for his strengths and encourage him by applauding his strengths.
11. Explain choices and consequences.
12. Relapse, while not desirable is part of the learning process. (I dont know anyone who got it perfectly right the first, or even the second or third time.)
13. Eighty per cent or more will not get it right the first time.
14. Are you willing to question your own part in all this? Honestly?
15. Denial is a product of shame and punitive sanctions.
16. Try to understand reaction rather than overcome resistance.
17. Language determines the stigma.
There are ways of helping an addict, but it will require incredibly huge amounts of emotional investment and it may seem unfair and not worth it, and even small amounts of success may seem to be too much to be worth the trouble. The time, energy, tears, pain, and even money can make you emotionally bankrupt unless you really know what you're doing,
If you don't know what you're doing, I suggest you be very prudent and cautious, maybe consider another avenue, because meth addition is very powerful, cunning, deceptive, selfish and ruthless.
We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use exceeds the fear of withdrawal. Drug abuse begins for one reason and continues for another.
One thing that will almost always get an addict angry, is when someone tries to
Tell them what to do.
Treat people as if they are what you want them to be and you help them become what theyre capable of being. - - - Goethe
May I strongly recommend the book, "Crystal Meth They Call It Ice" by Dr. Mary Holley, she is also the founder of "Mothers Against Meth."
If you are able to have conversation with the addict, it is HUGE plus. That means you both have some similar objectives.
This is very crucial: It often takes awhile for the walls of denial to come down. They were not built overnight.
Having someone who he feels actually cares and will listen is something new to the addict. With meth users, it is all about feelings. Their feelings are often very misled, screwed up and drug influenced, but they are also very powerful motivators. When he feels he can trust you with his feelings, he will open up much more.
Consider communication with him using open-ended questions. Those are questions that cannot be answered with simple one word answers. Avoid, yes and no type things when you can.
Open ended questions include:
How do you feel about that?
What happens when you behave (or feel) that way?
What was that like?
What would you like to do now?
How can I help you feel better?
What else?
Also included in the open-ended category are phrases like this:
Tell me more about that.
Tell me about your goals.
Tell me what you think about all of this.
There are no guarantees but taking risks is part of love and life.
Our hearts and our souls are fragile.
The best thing you can do is listen, love, and encourage. It will take time, lottsa time.
I am speaking as a recovering addict, husband, father and forum member. These are my personal peer-to-peer opinions only.
Each and every relationship is unique and the things that apply to one, may not apply to another. The only time I strongly recommend staying with a meth addict is:
1. If you are married and are convinced that the marriage can be salvaged and that both of you are willing to sacrifice a great deal.
2. There are common children.
3. You are the parent or family member. If the addict is an adult, he/she needs to act like an adult. If the child is a minor, do everything you can to help them.
4. I dont recommend staying with a girlfriend boyfriend or fianc if one of them is an active meth addict. If the addict stays clean for a year, one might consider renewing the relationship.
There are exceptions.
Some things to consider when trying helping a loved one to quit using drugs. (or to stay quit)
1. Addicts are human beings. We are not perfect.
2. Dont take his behavior personally.
3. Consider his willingness to change.
4. He is in pain and suffering form internal conflict even though he may seem totally different outwardly.
5. Dont try to FIX him.
6. Begin building trust in your relationship.
7. He is aware of his own needs.
8. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN
9. Be patient.
10. Look for his strengths and encourage him by applauding his strengths.
11. Explain choices and consequences.
12. Relapse, while not desirable is part of the learning process. (I dont know anyone who got it perfectly right the first, or even the second or third time.)
13. Eighty per cent or more will not get it right the first time.
14. Are you willing to question your own part in all this? Honestly?
15. Denial is a product of shame and punitive sanctions.
16. Try to understand reaction rather than overcome resistance.
17. Language determines the stigma.
There are ways of helping an addict, but it will require incredibly huge amounts of emotional investment and it may seem unfair and not worth it, and even small amounts of success may seem to be too much to be worth the trouble. The time, energy, tears, pain, and even money can make you emotionally bankrupt unless you really know what you're doing,
If you don't know what you're doing, I suggest you be very prudent and cautious, maybe consider another avenue, because meth addition is very powerful, cunning, deceptive, selfish and ruthless.
We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use exceeds the fear of withdrawal. Drug abuse begins for one reason and continues for another.
One thing that will almost always get an addict angry, is when someone tries to
Tell them what to do.
Treat people as if they are what you want them to be and you help them become what theyre capable of being. - - - Goethe
May I strongly recommend the book, "Crystal Meth They Call It Ice" by Dr. Mary Holley, she is also the founder of "Mothers Against Meth."
If you are able to have conversation with the addict, it is HUGE plus. That means you both have some similar objectives.
This is very crucial: It often takes awhile for the walls of denial to come down. They were not built overnight.
Having someone who he feels actually cares and will listen is something new to the addict. With meth users, it is all about feelings. Their feelings are often very misled, screwed up and drug influenced, but they are also very powerful motivators. When he feels he can trust you with his feelings, he will open up much more.
Consider communication with him using open-ended questions. Those are questions that cannot be answered with simple one word answers. Avoid, yes and no type things when you can.
Open ended questions include:
How do you feel about that?
What happens when you behave (or feel) that way?
What was that like?
What would you like to do now?
How can I help you feel better?
What else?
Also included in the open-ended category are phrases like this:
Tell me more about that.
Tell me about your goals.
Tell me what you think about all of this.
There are no guarantees but taking risks is part of love and life.
Our hearts and our souls are fragile.
The best thing you can do is listen, love, and encourage. It will take time, lottsa time.
