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I'm not looking for war stories here just what it was, why it was, or how it was you knew you were done living like you had been and said "that's it".
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So when was that you knew you've had enough.
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 treatmentjunkie |
So when was that you knew you've had enough. |
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Posts: 53 (12/29/07 18:28:43) |
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fishslapr |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 262 (12/29/07 18:37:07) |
it was a couple days after dropping off a good buddy at a court ordered 6 month inhouse rehab when I was driving home after just scoring a bag.
It was rather late in the evening, was doing about 85 down the freeway with a 1/4 oz in my pocket when realized I had just passed up a cop. thank god I didnt get pulled over, but that was what clicked it for me. |
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TenderheartsKS |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 2423 (12/29/07 19:20:53) Moderator |
After I slammed some meth, I went straight to raw screaming emotional pain...there was no 'high', no euphoria at all. At that moment I hated myself more than I ever thought possible.
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 Lisa |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 2960 (12/29/07 19:33:17) Forum Friend |
I looked at my kid and thought..."He deserves better than this." I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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1tamtom |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 1154 (12/29/07 20:31:57) |
woke up july 5th 1999 and said i'm done. it was not my own doing,my higher power that i choose to call GOD must have decided all the prayers sent up on my behalf was enough to put the idea in my heart and head to stop after over 20yrs of use.i don't know how i do know i did not do it myself.
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Kellhappy |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 1000 (12/29/07 21:08:08) |
I was trying to crawl up from my bottom....I had been homeless, but just found a room to rent. A person who lived in the house just looked me dead in the eye and said, "none of that shyt here"...
It was a kick in the head, to hear someone talking to me in a very blunt, straightforward way...who had some self-respect, and could say, "I know exactly what you're doing, and I want you to have a place to live, but you won't be doing that in my home". Maybe, that was the moment where I started considering everything I'd lost. I fully realized, I'd been living in my car, running with a rough crowd, working crappy jobs, doing a lot of other things that were destructive, to me and others, and I was miserable. There was no more party. I was lonely, scared and sure I'd die. The part of me that didn't want to die was just a little bit louder than the part that did. A spark of hope, even a tiny one, is brightest in the dark. |
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treatmentjunkie |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 53 (12/29/07 21:18:21) |
I suppose i should have included when it was for myself along with this post.
It came to me when i was looking out the window of the Nobles County Jail at this chinese restaurant and watching the people come and go from that place. I'd just got put back in on another manufacturing charge after getting out of prison. It was under four months from getting out of prison and i thought i was on my way again for a longer tour this time. I told myself in jail that when i was over whatever time i got this slip i was gonna stay out of jails forever after that. Fortunately for me i got off on a technicality after sitting it out for 90 days. Then i did what i said i was going to do. I moved 400 miles away from my home town and started over with nothing but $500 and a 1981 ford ltd. and what i could carry in the back seat and trunk. And i apologize to all because technicaly this is a war story isn't it - loltya. |
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smilewasmask |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 2588 (12/29/07 22:15:17) Forum Friend |
>Even though I can remember the exact moment in my life , that I DECIDED that I no longer wanted to be held in servitude by the TOXIC WASTE MATERIAL (AS Suzie calls it)
> >Even though it came to me one morning ... >At 7:30 A.M. >On October 11,2005.....was it the 11th or the 12th...? >(well , whatever the date was on the Monday of that second week in October...) > >Well, it came to me like a bolt of lightening,clear as can be , that morning that I had to report to court and jail, ...about an hour and 45 minutes before blast~off. > >Even tho , there was an ACTUAL DEFINING moment, when I KNEW that I was going to Simply Stop Going to Methhell. > >It was more like a process for me. >I have noticed that for MANY other Fellow Fallen Bros, it TOO has been a Process. > >I am not trying to advocate or rationalize slips and/or relapses... > >I am just trying to share how it was for me. >It was a process leading up to that moment >When I looked at my man , >Passing a foil >To a friend of ours , a woman , >Who was sitting IN MY CHAIR >At 730 in the morning >On the DAY I had to go away to jail for 6 months >AND my man HAD not come to bed afterall , HE chose instead to stay up all night with >A different woman >Who showed up >To say goodbye to me >And prevented him to come and snuggle with me >I mean , I was pretty scared also. >I was terrified actually , but I was mad and hurt and lonely > >In that moment when I looked in my man's foggy eyes >I knew I would stop . >I knew that I could no longer use and give life to such an evil toxic substance that would >Take my man away from us. > >And me away from my children > >But BEFORE that morning , >During the past 5 /6 years >While on probation for my meth related coviction > >I completed a 30 day in patient >And a 6 week outpatient , >2 80 hour aftercare programs , >years of court ordered N.A. or A.A. on a weekly basis... > >So in retrospect , I did not do it alone. ....Welcome Treatmentj  You are my first friend from 3~D to join me here in Cyberia!....at least that I am aware of. Hanging out at kci is MUCH better than hanging out getting high.. At least it has been for me > |
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Rocket57 |
saying "when" | ||
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Posts: 448 (12/30/07 00:04:43) |
When I removed my eyebrows in a blackout.
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lax2 |
Re: saying "when" | ||
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Posts: 2753 (12/30/07 00:32:52) Forum Friend |
I was layin in a hospital bed in the intensive Care Unit for the secong time within 6 months, with tubes going everywhere... and could see a very worried look on my partners face wondering if I was gonna be able to pull outa this and survive...
The only way I could avoid dieing was to stay clean and fight like hell as if my life depends on my not using... cuz it DOES to this day. That was 5 years ago. And I firmly believe I'd be dead if I hadn't stayed clean... |
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eyesopen83 |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 1931 (12/30/07 04:26:22) Forum Friend |
i had been wanting to stop using for a while but i couldnt seem to break free... i was hearing voices and seeing things that weren't real, i was at a stage where i was regularly blacking out (which some people question) but believe me it was scary coming too sitting behind the wheel of a car stopped at a red light and not knowing where i was going... i was emotionally and spiritually dead, i felt nothing, i didnt even feel high when i used anymore... so i was sitting on my mothers lounge room floor one day, i had just dropped another gram and i broke into tears, my head gave me 2 options, option 1 was to kill myself, option 2 was to get help... and that was the start, certainly not the end but the start of my reaching out for help...i find myself that day at my dads house who had been clean for 17 years at that time and he embraced me, and told me everything would be ok from that moment forth... i used meth once more after that, and i continued to relapse on coke for some months, but on january 1st 2006 i had my last drug and on january 12th 2006 i had my last drink, to this day i havent felt the need to use or drink since... as a result of the process that took place i have no doubt in my mind that it was the work of a higher power that helped me to get clean...
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Paws from hell |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 1042 (12/30/07 08:42:59) |
Actually I knew it was over after two years of being clean. I finally realized what it really was like to LIVE . |
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le grumps |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 4118 (12/30/07 12:26:54) Forum Grouch |
I stopped when using stopped feeling even remotely good to "get high".
I would feel good for about 5 seconds, literally, then the emotional punishment would crush me, immediately. I didn't have the physical capacity to withstand it anymore. Plus, and old friend of mine in San Diego told me "come home". It's like I finally had permission to admit defeat and just get going. I think that really helped. |
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forget suzette |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 16039 (12/30/07 13:03:06) Retro Space Cadet |
when trees had angry faces, and contempt for me.
...and dead relatives were saying. .."don't you dare show up here!... it's not your time yet!" |
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xxaddict |
Re: So when was that you knew you've had enough. | ||
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Posts: 920 (12/30/07 22:40:53) |
A long time before I quit.
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