100 days clean , who would have thought ? I sure would never have imagined I would get out from under the grip meth had on me this time but here I am , still
struggle daily and sometimes toy with the idea of using but I do know some things and here are a few..
I have learned that if I use it is MY choice, sure the cunning and powerful disease plays a major part but nobody can say anything to make me use or cut myself or anything , I am powerless over everything except for my choices.
I have learned that even though I do not like to be responsible , I am and every single day I am responsible for many things and if I do not do certain things there will be consequences . I am responsible for myself and all of my choices, nothing more and nothing less.
I have learned that just because I have an obsession or thought to use that I do not have to act on it.
I have learned that if I do what is suggested then maybe things will change , if I let go of the outcome and just take a small step towards a goal then it is quite possible that I will move forward and not backwards.
I have learned that it is not all about me , that there are many people on this planet that have as much or more pain than me and they need help, and if I help others ( addicts, animals, or just people in general ) then I will get relief from my VERY large ego and also from the pain that I tried to escape for so long with destructive behaviors.
I have learned that my explosions DO hurt others and just because I am in pain does not mean I have to take it out on the world.
I have learned that recovery from Crystal Meth addiction IS possible one day at a time ..
and I have learned that I do not like myself very much but I also do not hate myself .. little by little I am seeing that I am not so bad after all.
Just wanted to share that with my friends here ... and show the newbie here that even though this disease never goes away , change can happen.
I have learned that if I use it is MY choice, sure the cunning and powerful disease plays a major part but nobody can say anything to make me use or cut myself or anything , I am powerless over everything except for my choices.
I have learned that even though I do not like to be responsible , I am and every single day I am responsible for many things and if I do not do certain things there will be consequences . I am responsible for myself and all of my choices, nothing more and nothing less.
I have learned that just because I have an obsession or thought to use that I do not have to act on it.
I have learned that if I do what is suggested then maybe things will change , if I let go of the outcome and just take a small step towards a goal then it is quite possible that I will move forward and not backwards.
I have learned that it is not all about me , that there are many people on this planet that have as much or more pain than me and they need help, and if I help others ( addicts, animals, or just people in general ) then I will get relief from my VERY large ego and also from the pain that I tried to escape for so long with destructive behaviors.
I have learned that my explosions DO hurt others and just because I am in pain does not mean I have to take it out on the world.
I have learned that recovery from Crystal Meth addiction IS possible one day at a time ..
and I have learned that I do not like myself very much but I also do not hate myself .. little by little I am seeing that I am not so bad after all.
Just wanted to share that with my friends here ... and show the newbie here that even though this disease never goes away , change can happen.
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