As a loved one of a meth addict, as a recovered alkie/addict myself, as an adult who had some serious messed up situations in her childhood I have often wondered -
what if that shyt had not happened - who would I be today if I had not been an alcoholic? Where would I be - how much better would my life be if only IF ONLY - IF ONLY - IF ONLY -
If only T had been healthy and not an abusive screwed up drug addict
If only my - blah blah blah blah blah
I don't know but I'd have to guess a fair number of us who come here have at one time or another these thoughts.
These thoughts suck. They kill your joy. And they are so misleading - who knows - maybe the IF ONLY would have been A LOT worse than what you got now.
I read at this website for grief recovery - because you know I am still grieving the loss of my ex-bf and the loss of the future I had dreamed of for us...
And I am trying to figure out how do you grieve?
How do you do this so it is done and you can just move the hell on - where are the damnn instructions to doing this so it doesn't keep catching me off guard and ruining an otherwise decent day.
I cry too much I think. I've been in tears a lot this last month it feels like or just feeling groggy and gross like I have a hangover only it is an emotional hangover - hell I never got hangovers when I was drinking - probably I never sobered up long enough to feel the pain...
So being the google hound I am I found this site for The Grief Recovery Institute...
and reading through the articles on crying I found this - I underlined the two lines that moved me the most.
The key to recovery from the incredible pain caused by death, divorce, and all other losses, is contained in a simple statement: Each of us is unique and each of our relationships is unique. Therefore, we must discover and complete what is emotionally unfinished for us in all of our relationships. Our personal belief systems about the display of emotions are also unique and individual. We may not even have a conscious awareness of what our own beliefs are. An alert to everyone, young or old: "Don't let anyone else dictate what is emotionally correct for you - not even your children - or your parents. Only you get to determine what is correct for you."
If you need some help in discovering or determining what might help you deal with a broken heart caused by a death or a divorce, get thee to a library or a bookstore, and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. It contains the kind of information that will lead you to your truth, which in turn will help you complete the pain in your heart.
Please do not interpret this article to mean that we are in any way against crying. What we do provokes tears all the time. At the restaurant across the street where we take our friends to lunch, they don't understand why everyone who dines with us seems to cry. And if you visited our office, you would have to giggle when you see the gigantic stack of cases of Kleenex piled in a corner of the room. We are neither for nor against crying. We are for recovery from emotional pain. We are for fond memories not turning painful. We are for you having a life of meaning and value even though a loss or losses may have made your life massively different than you had hoped or dreamed.
