I was not going to let people know what happened with me because I don't want to hear the judgment and all but I thought it was fair to those that really
care ... so here goes -
I could not stay , I just could not so I left today - there were no groups , 1 per day as they are short staffed and I need more structure than that, like a shelter atmosphere it has been over past few days , I know I should have given it a chance but my disease won out again, I have not picked up , I wonder if Meth is driving the ship again , I am about to board a plane to SD and see about getting into a gay treatment center there , have intake tomorrow at 10 am . Maybe I am born to wander the earth being an addict and alcoholic , maybe this is who I am and I am not meant to recover, Please know that I tried so hard to talk myself out of this and stay but feel so alone, feel so defective - I am in tears knowing that I most likely will not make it , I cannot see anything through , never have , wonder if I ever will . I may be a fool , I may be a loser but it is just the way it is. This is not a game as people may think, I do try but in the end BPD wins and I jump off the deep end ... Just thought you all should know , I will stay away from here if it would be best for the site .... whatever happens I wish you all the best , even those that think less of me .
I could not stay , I just could not so I left today - there were no groups , 1 per day as they are short staffed and I need more structure than that, like a shelter atmosphere it has been over past few days , I know I should have given it a chance but my disease won out again, I have not picked up , I wonder if Meth is driving the ship again , I am about to board a plane to SD and see about getting into a gay treatment center there , have intake tomorrow at 10 am . Maybe I am born to wander the earth being an addict and alcoholic , maybe this is who I am and I am not meant to recover, Please know that I tried so hard to talk myself out of this and stay but feel so alone, feel so defective - I am in tears knowing that I most likely will not make it , I cannot see anything through , never have , wonder if I ever will . I may be a fool , I may be a loser but it is just the way it is. This is not a game as people may think, I do try but in the end BPD wins and I jump off the deep end ... Just thought you all should know , I will stay away from here if it would be best for the site .... whatever happens I wish you all the best , even those that think less of me .
