Ok, so I haven't talked to my ex in almost a month. I really am so surprised by that because in all the 12/13 years we were together we have never gone
that long before without even talking. I think Suze said it before...I'm probably going through withdrawals with "NO DRAMA".....And that's
probably right....Instead of calling him, I'm trying to write my feelings down.
I never knew when I met you
That things would end up this way
Would I have done things differently
Had I known it'd be like this today?
I ask myself that a million times
As I wipe away the tears
Have I wasted so much of my life
By sticking with you through the years?
If I knew that you would hurt me
And leave me all alone
Would I have never answered
When you called me on the phone?
If I knew that I would let you
Verbally abuse me the way you did
Would I have let you sit beside me
Or would I have run away and hid
If I had known that our life would be
A constant worry, a constant fret
Sleepless nights, lots of crying
Lots of fighting and so much debt
Visits by the probation officer,
Visits to the jail
Calls from other women
Holidays from Hell
Food thrown across the room
Holes in the walls
Anxiety when you left the house
Not even returning my calls
If I had known I'd raise our kids
Without any help from you
Would I have been more careful
Since now they are hurting too
If I had known that meth would take over
And be your number one
Would I have left sooner
Said "No more chances - I'm done"
The drug was going to be your life
No matter the cost
The drug was all you wanted
No matter who or what you lost
I hope I would have done things differently
I'm trying to do that now
I'm trying to put you in the past
I just don't know how.
OF COURSE, we had a lot of good times too. I just hope that by me putting down the bad times - it will remind me of the pain and NOT pick up the phone to call him. How do we get so addicted to our addict?
Thanks guys!
I never knew when I met you
That things would end up this way
Would I have done things differently
Had I known it'd be like this today?
I ask myself that a million times
As I wipe away the tears
Have I wasted so much of my life
By sticking with you through the years?
If I knew that you would hurt me
And leave me all alone
Would I have never answered
When you called me on the phone?
If I knew that I would let you
Verbally abuse me the way you did
Would I have let you sit beside me
Or would I have run away and hid
If I had known that our life would be
A constant worry, a constant fret
Sleepless nights, lots of crying
Lots of fighting and so much debt
Visits by the probation officer,
Visits to the jail
Calls from other women
Holidays from Hell
Food thrown across the room
Holes in the walls
Anxiety when you left the house
Not even returning my calls
If I had known I'd raise our kids
Without any help from you
Would I have been more careful
Since now they are hurting too
If I had known that meth would take over
And be your number one
Would I have left sooner
Said "No more chances - I'm done"
The drug was going to be your life
No matter the cost
The drug was all you wanted
No matter who or what you lost
I hope I would have done things differently
I'm trying to do that now
I'm trying to put you in the past
I just don't know how.
OF COURSE, we had a lot of good times too. I just hope that by me putting down the bad times - it will remind me of the pain and NOT pick up the phone to call him. How do we get so addicted to our addict?
Thanks guys!
