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Thanks for checking on me.

He can't have any contact for the first 2 weeks he's there. He was allowed to call his mother on Mother's Day. She called me and told me he said Happy Mother's Day and he loved me. My little one has bronchitis. We spent 4 hours in the ER Sunday morning and she had to get a breathing treatment. She is better now. But, that's how I spent my Mother's Day! Hey, atleast I was with both my kids. My 10 year old was with me too.

I am doing really good. I have surrendered my life to God and feel good. I had an epiphany yesterday. I have been praying for God to give me wisdom regarding my situation and to give me the strength to get through it no matter what happens. It occurred to me yesterday that if we can learn to love ourselves, love the life we were given, etc. --- we will be much more able to love others. And, if the one we love chooses to hurt us (do drugs, become abusive) --- we have OUR LIVES to fall back on. I found that I allowed Brett to consume me. If he was using I was miserable. I missed him. I worried. I was obsessed. If he wasn't using -- I was worried he would use. So, I was never happy. Totally consumed with his life and his issues.

I am trying really hard to live my life. We are only give one go round on this earth. Why be so miserable? I don't want to be miserable anymore. And, I love him but if he CHOOSES this life -- he won't have me with him in it.