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Today is day # 78 of my recovery this time around and although I feel proud that I have made it this far and am free from Meth, off streets and have some of my
sanity back I really, really miss that life as well - Today more than most . Not sure why but have not been able to stop thinking about what I am missing - i
mean the sex was the best ever and I cannot see ever obtaining that again.. I want this - I want to be clean and make it but part of me does not I guess. I
know it takes time but why do I miss it so much when it made me homeless, lose friends, jobs, money,and almost kill me ? I am afraid that it will grab me again
and I will not make it back this time.. Thanks for listening
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 Robby99.bpdsanctuary |
Having second thoughts about this recovery thing.. |
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Posts: 46 (05/13/08 14:05:20) |
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phoenix |
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Posts: 1227 (05/13/08 14:10:42) Forum Friend |
"I know it takes time but why do I miss it so much when it made me homeless, lose friends, jobs, money,and almost kill me ?"
Because your an ADDICT! Edited to add; Congrats on day 78! Even though it is hard to stay sober, you are doing it! You should be very proud....
Last Edited By: phoenix
05/13/08 14:14:12.
Edited 1 times.
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forget suzette |
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Posts: 14187 (05/13/08 14:15:00) Retro Space Cadet |
......you're also speed freak of the week! ride it out! LMAO!
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lax2 |
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Posts: 2363 (05/13/08 14:18:36) Forum Friend |
I just sent you a long PM... Hope you get it... let me KNow. Thanx. HANG IN THERE, Buddy!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE & Suzie and I are Routing for you BIG time! |
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Robby99.bpdsanctuary |
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Posts: 47 (05/13/08 14:31:24) |
Spped freak of the week Suzie?? Lmao - I guess I will take that as a compliment ???
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Paws from hell |
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Posts: 913 (05/13/08 15:12:22) |
 It's a compliment Rob.....
Too bad we have to lose so much to gain it. Time for a time out .. step back a reanalyze what it is your fantasy is actually about. Sex on meth is the most narcissistic experience I ever had . Correction... not meth........myth............. |
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forget suzette |
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Posts: 14189 (05/13/08 15:20:43) Retro Space Cadet |
yes, its what you get for loosing everything.
...you're in the hall of fame at AM. |
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 le grumps |
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Posts: 3408 (05/13/08 15:39:32) Forum Grouch |
Early recovery is peppered with 2nd thoughts, believe me.
And you are currently in a time bracket of cleantime that is notoriously difficult. Tough milestones are 60 days, 90 days, and 1 year. I was told in my drug class yesterday that there may be physiological reasons for this, but they aren't sure yet. Bottom line, you are treading the tricky ground, but you CAN MAKE IT THROUGH! A lot of people do, you don't have to slip! Maybe knowing that this particular time bracket is a harder one will help you see that if you power through it, you will have grown further away from "that life". Honestly, with time, that life seems less and less appealing, in the meantime, new life experiences begin to seem more and more desired, achievable, and REAL. I know you can walk through this, you have come such a long way! Have you been reading any recovery books or hitting any online meetings? |
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oaklandathletic |
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Posts: 90 (05/13/08 16:06:55) |
Was the sex that great?? Really ? Or was that the illusion that Meth gave you...sure when i used i was far more kinky than i am today....but was that love
making or Tweeker sex?? I think my sex life now has meaning and i can really appreciate my partner more than when i was geeking out of my perverted mind....
Just remember all the crap you had to go thru. having tweeker sex isn't worth go thru all the rest of the +*$$ Meth does to you....IMO... Stay true to yourself and you will be much better off. Congrats on your clean time.....You ROCK!!!!!! Paul
Last Edited By: oaklandathletic
05/13/08 16:12:38.
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Rocket57 |
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Posts: 406 (05/13/08 16:09:27) |
Remember this - meth isn't the problem, it is a symptom of the problem.
Congrats on your clean time. |
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6812 (05/13/08 17:06:20) Moderator |
Desire is the root of all unhappiness. I firmly believe that.
Active addicts are slaves to desire. That wanting is always there, sometimes faintly, sometimes so intrusively nothing else matters. An undercurrent of desire 24/7. It's difficult to let go of desires that seem so firmly planted and even realistic! I mean WHY CAN'T I HAVE SUCH AND SUCH?? That kind of thinking keeps me in the "desire" mode that makes me chronically unhappy. I could have won the lottery and been unhappy 3 days later about something I wanted that money couldn't buy. Grasping a hold of REALITY, and what IS, instead of what I want, helps me be happy, which is all I really ever wanted in the first place. I only thought I wanted many other things. I wanted them because I thought they would make me happy. Experience showed me that they didn't make me happy. I got happy when I stopped wanting what I didn't have and started feeling real gratitude for what I had. |
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