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Im approaching a resolution to my addiction. Pain and the ultimate reality of jails, institutions and death has beaten me to the fork in the road. I cant
afford to be the bad man, and i dont have the spirit to continue like this, broken as %@%!. Drugs dont work at all like they used to. For the past 1 and a
half i've been getting loaded by myself and periodically (every six months for the past 2 years) relapse on methamphetmine. Its horrible every time, but
im so miserable i just want something to make me feel different. At this point my only option is recovery. I have two options right now: Do a geo. and move
in with a non addict friend who occasionally smokes pot; go directly to rehab; or check myself into the homeward bound program. I've been trying to set up
an interview with the intake coordinator. Called him 3 days ago, told me to call him today, didnt answer so i left a message so i gotta try back again
tommorow. Depending on the interview and what he says and what's going on with my friend im gonna make a decision. I wanna try one last time before
surrendering.....but since addiction removes self impowerment and control.....i might only really have one.
I pray to god a lot asking for direction, guidance, and help making my choices. I want out.......i'll get out......im hoping more sooner than later. If
living arrangements with my friend fall through im off to a recovery program. If i cant manage myself well enough to get into homeward bound i'll check
myself into a free rehab as soon as possible, get my clean time then move out to homeward bound and stay close to addiction recovery organizations till i get
it right. Please unload the advice and prayers.....they're much appreciated.
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 SOS1988 |
Recovery |
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Posts: 436 (05/13/08 00:47:54) |
Last Edited By: SOS1988 05/13/08 00:52:02.
Edited 1 time.
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 534 (05/13/08 05:12:24) |
SOS1988,
I don't have the advice or wisdom that you seek on the journey. I'm just the mother of two active meth addicted children (son 27 & daughter 25). I want you to know that I'm sending up prayers for you. Prayers that God will give you the courage to continue on a journey to a meth and drug free life and the wisdom to know how to a get there. I have to say coming here and asking for help was very brave, and a GREAT way to start this journey. My prayers are with you! Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7508 (05/13/08 07:03:01) Forum Star |
YO
SOS J good to see you Is it time now? I'm so looking forward to getting to know you clean & sober instead of miserable. Just think how many friends you have made in your tries of recovery.....there are a lot of them here. You have and can still, add so much to this world of recovery from meth slavery. I do think that God is truly watcing over you. luv your neighbor to the north still? |
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phoenix |
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Posts: 1220 (05/13/08 07:06:06) Forum Friend |
Hey Jake,
Sorry I haven't kept in touch like I should have. I did go check out a "Smart Recovery" meeting a couple of months ago like we were talking about, it wasn't too bad, it was time well spent and I would like to tell you about it. Don't know if your still smoking weed, but I thought of you when I read this announcement that only came out a couple of days ago; "Today the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy sent out a clear message on teen pot use and depression: They're a bad combination. Issuing a report that analyzes around a dozen studies about marijuana use and mental health, the policy office warned that teens who use marijuana to "self-medicate" may worsen their underlying depression or other mental health issues." http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/brain-and-behavior/2008/05/09/teen-depression-worsened-by-marijuana-government-says.html The Geo thing usually only works if you have made other major life changes to go along with the move, don't know if you have or not. When a Geo fails though I think it sure can make things worse a lot faster. Don't discount what stability you have in place in your life now. Unfortunatly we sometimes don't know what we have until it's gone... I'll be in touch. |
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SOS1988 |
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Posts: 437 (05/13/08 14:48:51) |
That's what im finding i'll see if i stil have your number. I notice pot makes me a hell of a lot more depressed and unmotivated to deal with life
and its problems. Im still waiting to here back from the intake coordinator. Tired of waiting in limbo.....gotta do something.....and i think the only
postive something can do is get involved in recovery services, cuz my life is not working for me.
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Penel0pe |
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Posts: 6593 (05/13/08 17:29:46) Moderator |
Just a suggestion - reverse your priorities. Go for the bed at the rehab as your first choice - the pot smoking friend sounds like a poor choice given what you
just posted.
Good to see you back, Jake. |
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mr soul shine |
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Posts: 328 (05/13/08 17:59:24) |
dude, you have been needing help. do something different.like...now. Talk is cheap and you been talking for years about this. i think you have had a couple
chances at a bed in the past but made excuses or whatever you did. Do not allow yourself to make excuses anymore. you are your worst enemy. The world isn't
out to get you. The world isn't treating you like %!!*. You are. Throw in the towel and let someone who doesn't hate you as much make some decisions
for yourself. Good luck.
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forget suzette |
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Posts: 14191 (05/13/08 18:16:06) Retro Space Cadet |
there must be 50 ways to leave your lover...
.....just get yourself clean. you can do it if you want to anywhere you go. |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7533 (05/13/08 18:22:49) Forum Star |
ok, I'll be a dork here
and say, "Hop on the bus Gus and head to rehab" 
luv |
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SOS1988 |
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Posts: 438 (05/13/08 18:24:53) |
im in so much %+!$+%+ pain, im going to kill myself before i quit. I cant go on living like this, i cant, and if thats my only option then i'll call it
quits. I think this is what I gotta do to get a jumpstart in my life.............im so sick of waking up feeling so messed up inside, not wanting to get outa
bed just wanting to die.........all the self hate and #!$%.........i just gotta do this for myself.....im gonna go back to the salvation army rehab and fockin
stay this time. It's already been a year since i went there and everything feels so much worse, shouldnt have left. As soon as i get my meds squared away
im gone (i see the doc tommorow) Right now that sounds +$$!%%@ awesome......lord knows i'd have a more satisfying time in there then what im going through
now.....im actually excited
Last Edited By: SOS1988
05/13/08 18:32:14.
Edited 1 times.
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7534 (05/13/08 18:28:12) Forum Star |
Yeah, they love you a lot more than you love yourself right now and they'll keep doing it til you can love yourself enough to stay clean and get up in the
morning with hope. I remember that you felt safe with those people.
luv |
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