The addicts anger….20 ?’s

RSS
Email

0 Kudo

Author	Comment
starr4two	The addicts anger….20 ?’s	Lead	[-]
Posts: 118 (05/08/08 09:14:43) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	He's been getting high for 3 months now, after 18 months clean, he has been moved completely out for about 6 weeks. He never calls the kids, he has made a couple attempts to come and see them but we had plans and it didn't work out. I've asked him to just call the kids to say how was your day at school, I love you, I miss you, I'm thinking about you, anything at all is better than nothing. Every time I talk to him he is so mean. I just don't understand how you can go from being so loving and caring to being so hateful and mean. It was his choice to use, his choice to cheat on me, his choice to move out, and I didn't support him in any of those choices, maybe thatswhy he hates me. Does he hate me because I wouldn't allow him to use in our home, I wouldn't let him prove to me that he can be a functioning addict? He believes, he can do it and control it. If he goes to sleep each night, eats, go to work, pays child support (which he has been doing). In the past that spiral down was so fast, he still has a house (with a addict roommate and the dealer he cheated on me with) and is still taking care of everything he needs to. He tells me he's only using occasionally. And sometimes I believe him. He told me he doesn't love me and isn't attracted to me, every time he talks to me he either wants to kill someone or throw up. 4 months ago this man was my best friend, I could see the love he had for me in his eyes, I could feel it when he touched me. How can love turn into hate so quickly? Where does the addict's anger come from? Is it me he truly hates or the reality that I remind him of? Could there be validity in what he says? Can a hard core addict (slammer/smoker 10+ years) end up with 18 month clean (thanks to the courts) and then go back out and only use occasionally and be a functioning addict. He told 2 months ago, when he confessed to using behind my back for a month, that everyday it got harder and harder to put the pipe away. Could his reasons for leaving really have nothing to do with meth? Could his reason for not being active in his children's lives have nothing to do with meth? Could this all really only have to do with his hate and unfounded anger towards me?
forget suzette		#1	[-]
Posts: 14111 (05/08/08 09:32:59) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	He might not BE CLEAN.... .....AND YOU might BE A REMINDER of what he's done.. edited: translations: He told me he doesn't love me and isn't attracted to me he does'nt love HIM and is ashamed of himself , every time he talks to me he either wants to kill someone or throw up. you remind him of "normalicy" and he makes him wanna throw up, and you mirror that How can love turn into hate so quickly? ......at first, we try to go on with our regular lives, and then we get to a point where we gotta pick a side. .....this drug has sharp claws that dig into your brain like a parasite. he picked a side. .......He picked the dark side, because of the threats his body is making, if he chooses life his brain and body threaten hopelessness, and pain. Where does the addict's anger come from? running out of resources, and reminders of your wretchedness. ......being remeinded of yourr true self, pisses off the other NEW you, the new you, is like a spouse and the old you is your ex spouse. .......when the new you hears you talking to someone about the old you. it's threatned....and insecure. Is it me he truly hates or the reality that I remind him of? he hates the way you make him feel. ..........you make him feel "bad" because you are not a speed freak. other speed freaks justifty our actions Last Edited By: forget suzette 05/08/08 09:46:18. Edited 3 times.
keepitsimpleforme		#2	[-]
Posts: 223 (05/08/08 09:35:19) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Don't believe anything he's saying - he's not in his right mind. Also, I wouldn't listen to him talk down to you like that -- hang up on him. No need for you to listen to him saying those hurtful things. His leaving is because he wants to be somewhere that he can get high with nobody bothering him (you). And, who better to move in with than another addict??? Another addict isn't going to tell him he's screwing up by not calling his kids, treating his wife like dirt adn using drugs. They do drugs TOGETHER and honestly -- I don't know WHAT they talk about. My husband said he stared at the wall alot when he was high.......... He also told me he was MISERABLE and hated himself. I don't understand addiction but I know from what he's told me --- it is NOT a "happy" existence. They're being controlled by something that may give them a moment's "high" but HOURS and HOURS of feeling miserable. He's on a slippery slope --- just take care of you and the kids. Try not to put too much into what he's doing/saying right now. I tell you this from experience. My husband was calling me from other women's cell phones, out every night, telling me he hated me and to eff off. So, I've heard it too. Meth turns them into the devil.... Last Edited By: keepitsimpleforme 05/08/08 09:40:54. Edited 3 times.
starr4two		#3	[-]
Posts: 119 (05/08/08 09:40:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	He's definitely not clean, he is just minimizing his use. He has lost about 20 lbs and his skin has turned grey (if that makes since). He's hanging with other users and we live in a small town. I know it's normal for a user to get angry when coming down (I've been there). But the constant anger and meanness, is that normal?
keepitsimpleforme	Yes	#4	[-]
Posts: 224 (05/08/08 09:43:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	For my husband --- yes. He is a mean angry a-hole when he's using. And, if you question him --- LOOK OUT.... Mine also looks grey, pasty white too. He looks really unhealthy -- like someone with the flu (worse really). starr4two wrote: He's definitely not clean, he is just minimizing his use. He has lost about 20 lbs and his skin has turned grey (if that makes since). He's hanging with other users and we live in a small town. I know it's normal for a user to get angry when coming down (I've been there). But the constant anger and meanness, is that normal?
Penel0pe		#5	[-]
Posts: 6564 (05/08/08 09:50:45) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I can only share my personal experience. When I was using meth, I was an aggressive, assaultive, hostile, mean, and selfish person. I used for many years before I did to my kids dad what your man is doing to you. It is so hard for me to talk about this, I am always going to have a lot of remorse about the amount of pain I caused for him, for my kids, for the rest of the family by my own actions; I walked out on my husband after we had been together for 15 years, and I feel a lot of that had to do with my utter selfishness and impaired judgment and thinking while I was on a MAJOR meth run. I always used, but at some periods of my addiction, I used, worked, and did the things I was expected to do while doing a lot of things I should never have been doing "After hours," when the kids were tucked away in their beds, things like selling dope, running around with felons, staying out all night with my buddies and coming home in time to get everyone up and ready, and to get myself to work. When I was eventually tested and asked to resign from an 11 year long career, I was essentially a "Career Addict," and my husband was also using. He was the type who became very isolative and remote, and I was very social and active. I had everyone at our house for years, but after a while his behavior made people uncomfortable, I felt "Neglected," and instead of doing the right thing, working on things at HOME, I did the selfish thing - I went out and did what I wanted to do and left him at home with the kids. After doing that long enough, I started to resent him, we got more and more distant, and I was the one who made the bad decision, and I walked out on everything and everyone. It was NOT HIS FAULT. We were both using, yes, but he didn't decide for me. I was selfish. All I cared about was MY NEEDS, what I WANTED, and as I look back, my head was incapable of caring about how my actions would affect everyone around me - I honestly don't think I was able to care. I was too wrapped up in MYSELF. That is not and was never his fault. it just isn't and never was. For me, being so impaired made me so selfish. I just wanted to have fun, and he wasn't giving me that anymore (Not the way I WANTED IT.) That's MY personal experience. It was never about him - I just made it about him. Yes, there were problems, but doing what I did was not the way to resolve it. Even if we would have sat down and agreed "This isn't going to work," that would have been better than my decision to run off and leave him holding the bag, hurting everyone (My parent's wouldn't talk to me for almost two years,) and being selfish. It is truly like thinking about some other person - today, it is something I would never, ever do to anyone. But I am not who I was when I was using meth. Meth changed my thinking, killed my conscience, and destroyed my ability to make a good decision. I have to say that even though I was using meth, and I am telling you that because I used meth I did really stupid things, it's STILL my fault, and mine to own. I chose meth over my family. I am not trying to use meth as an "Excuse," but I am saying that in active addiction, the degree of impairment is so profound, some of the things I did back then will haunt me for the rest of my life... because I can't undo them. I did those things. Other people will look back and remember what "Penelope did," not what meth did. If I don't take responsibility for what I did and let meth take all the credit, then I run the risk of believing that I can use again someday and not repeat the mistakes of the past. I know what happens to my thinking when I use meth. I don't know what is going on in your relationship - but I do know how meth affected MY thinking, how I was unable to think things through and see how my selfishness would harm so many people, and how I was unable to care about any of that. I care now - but it's too late. In my case, the marriage probably wouldn't have survived anyway - but the way I chose to end things was WRONG. So is it you? I don't know - but please know that meth has a profound effect on the ability to use good judgment in most areas of our lives, makes a lot of us extremely selfish, and in hindsight, I can see that now. I don't know if that helps at all.
starr4two		#6	[-]
Posts: 120 (05/08/08 09:51:17) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	You're right I don't need to let him bring me down. He says hurtful things and then I begin to second guess myself picking out ways that I may be inadequate. Next time he act like that I will treat him like an irrate caller I'm dealing with at work. Polite, Calm, and Taking Nothing Personal. I think thats the problem, I take it all way to personal. KISFM, I am really happy for you that your husband is going to rehab, I really hope it works out. Please remember during his recovery to continue on yours and to focus an yourself and your kids. I didn't do that and I regret it tremendously, I wasted two years to try and help him succeed at recovery and forgot all about myself.
forget suzette		#7	[-]
Posts: 14112 (05/08/08 09:52:19) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	there is nothing wrong with you.. ....HE is the one that changed. Fuk him. .....find someone who you can trust your heart with. Don't talk to him and allow him to treat you like that, you'll begin to belive it. Soon he will come back, and say he's sorry and he loves you, and it was the drugs talking. true that. (the imrisoned true self might mean it) ....but it's always a last resort when you are circling the drain to schmoooze people that love you into enabling you. it's not a concious decision made by us. ....it's survival, and primal instinct to feed the demon.
Loraura		#8	[-]
Posts: 6776 (05/08/08 09:57:38) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	"But the constant anger and meanness, is that normal? " Yes. If he has blown away most of his dopamine he has literally NO CHOICE to feel any other way. Some addicts express that differently, some are more outwardly mean and aggressive. But all meth users who have used enough for long enough to destroy their existing dopamine truly have no ability to be content and "OK". The level of "be OK with things" chemical is too low. Meth addiction is self-imposed mental illness. Addiction is a progressive disease. It doesn't take long in relapse to be right back where they were after long-term use. The body simply CAN NOT keep up with the demand for dopamine production when the user is destroying it for hours and hours at a time, sometimes for days at a time. The body isn't supposed to lose dopamine at that rate. The blood brain barrier keeps the dopamine "safe" in the brain. But meth, it crosses the blood brain barrier, and puts the brain in a defense mode to try to prevent damage from over stimulation. Part of that defense mechanism we all have is to destroy excess dopamine when overstimulated. When high on meth, the brain thinks it has too much dopamine, so it goes about destroying it. But the body doesn't have a mechanism to replace dopamine quickly. Normally it wouldn't need to! It takes months of clean time, decent nutrition, and activity to replace the dopamine blown away on a meth binge.
keepitsimpleforme	Thank you	#9	[-]
Posts: 225 (05/08/08 10:04:22) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Wonderful post. You describe my husband when he's using very eloquently. No offense - but when you were using you remind me of him when he's using. Tell me something? Were you having fun? I worry that me and kids will never compare to the meth lifestyle. Penel0pe wrote: I can only share my personal experience. When I was using meth, I was an aggressive, assaultive, hostile, mean, and selfish person. I used for many years before I did to my kids dad what your man is doing to you. It is so hard for me to talk about this, I am always going to have a lot of remorse about the amount of pain I caused for him, for my kids, for the rest of the family by my own actions; I walked out on my husband after we had been together for 15 years, and I feel a lot of that had to do with my utter selfishness and impaired judgment and thinking while I was on a MAJOR meth run. I always used, but at some periods of my addiction, I used, worked, and did the things I was expected to do while doing a lot of things I should never have been doing "After hours," when the kids were tucked away in their beds, things like selling dope, running around with felons, staying out all night with my buddies and coming home in time to get everyone up and ready, and to get myself to work. When I was eventually tested and asked to resign from an 11 year long career, I was essentially a "Career Addict," and my husband was also using. He was the type who became very isolative and remote, and I was very social and active. I had everyone at our house for years, but after a while his behavior made people uncomfortable, I felt "Neglected," and instead of doing the right thing, working on things at HOME, I did the selfish thing - I went out and did what I wanted to do and left him at home with the kids. After doing that long enough, I started to resent him, we got more and more distant, and I was the one who made the bad decision, and I walked out on everything and everyone. It was NOT HIS FAULT. We were both using, yes, but he didn't decide for me. I was selfish. All I cared about was MY NEEDS, what I WANTED, and as I look back, my head was incapable of caring about how my actions would affect everyone around me - I honestly don't think I was able to care. I was too wrapped up in MYSELF. That is not and was never his fault. it just isn't and never was. For me, being so impaired made me so selfish. I just wanted to have fun, and he wasn't giving me that anymore (Not the way I WANTED IT.) That's MY personal experience. It was never about him - I just made it about him. Yes, there were problems, but doing what I did was not the way to resolve it. Even if we would have sat down and agreed "This isn't going to work," that would have been better than my decision to run off and leave him holding the bag, hurting everyone (My parent's wouldn't talk to me for almost two years,) and being selfish. It is truly like thinking about some other person - today, it is something I would never, ever do to anyone. But I am not who I was when I was using meth. Meth changed my thinking, killed my conscience, and destroyed my ability to make a good decision. I have to say that even though I was using meth, and I am telling you that because I used meth I did really stupid things, it's STILL my fault, and mine to own. I chose meth over my family. I am not trying to use meth as an "Excuse," but I am saying that in active addiction, the degree of impairment is so profound, some of the things I did back then will haunt me for the rest of my life... because I can't undo them. I did those things. Other people will look back and remember what "Penelope did," not what meth did. If I don't take responsibility for what I did and let meth take all the credit, then I run the risk of believing that I can use again someday and not repeat the mistakes of the past. I know what happens to my thinking when I use meth. I don't know what is going on in your relationship - but I do know how meth affected MY thinking, how I was unable to think things through and see how my selfishness would harm so many people, and how I was unable to care about any of that. I care now - but it's too late. In my case, the marriage probably wouldn't have survived anyway - but the way I chose to end things was WRONG. So is it you? I don't know - but please know that meth has a profound effect on the ability to use good judgment in most areas of our lives, makes a lot of us extremely selfish, and in hindsight, I can see that now. I don't know if that helps at all.
keepitsimpleforme	I know	#10	[-]
Posts: 226 (05/08/08 10:09:30) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I know what you mean. I tend to lose myself too. But, I'm NOT going back to teh way things were - ever. I am starting to get interested in my home again (for so long I never cut the grass, didn't care how the yard looked) --- I'm having fun with my kids. I'm enjoying my life. I wish he could be a part of it. Hopefully he will. But, if he decides to screw up I will have to be able to walk away.....again. And, it's alot easier to do that when you're in tact. Instead of a wobbling piece of jello. starr4two wrote: You're right I don't need to let him bring me down. He says hurtful things and then I begin to second guess myself picking out ways that I may be inadequate. Next time he act like that I will treat him like an irrate caller I'm dealing with at work. Polite, Calm, and Taking Nothing Personal. I think thats the problem, I take it all way to personal. KISFM, I am really happy for you that your husband is going to rehab, I really hope it works out. Please remember during his recovery to continue on yours and to focus an yourself and your kids. I didn't do that and I regret it tremendously, I wasted two years to try and help him succeed at recovery and forgot all about myself.

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

The addicts anger….20 ?’s

The addicts anger….20 ?’s

Quick Reply