Yuku free message boards

Ok Ok, Katie


I hear ya! I hear ya!

I think she wants my story. I have never posted the whole thing so no one knows me. I am still very gun shy.
But here goes nothing......
My story begins in 1985 when I was 13 years old. I fell head over heels in love with a boy my age. We were really never apart all through high school. It became apparent around the age of 15-16 something was wrong. He started doing drugs, getting in trouble at school, you name it. By the time he was 16 he was already shooting cocaine. His parents put him in his first rehab when he was 15. He went to his second rehab when he was 16. At that same age he was also sent to a christian youth home. That place really did wonders. The other places were short term. This was a long term program for youth boys. He came home a different person. It was unbelievable. We had no contact with each other for 11 months. When you are a teenager that is an eternity. Well, we were married right out of high school. We stayed married for about 1.5 years. I know, pathetic. We divorced and got back together for another couple of years. By this time we had been together almost 10 years total. The drugs were there but not as bad and not as often but he was drinking heavily. He got in some serious trouble at this point for multiple DUIs. He was sent to prison and I ran away. I remarried and had 2 beautiful little girls. They became my entire existance. The sad part is that I never really loved their father the way I did my first. We divorced and I went back to him, my addict. I had kept up with him over the years. After we split up the last time he went off the deep end. I really don't think it had anything to do with me. He would have went down hill with or without me. He started doing meth in the late 90s. When we got back together he said he was clean. I started seeing signs not long after and we went into a tailspin like I have never seen. He is a harcore addict. His favorite method is shooting although he will smoke it if he is not in the proper company or alone. He began stealing to support his habit. When it was all said and done he was only coming home to eat, sleep (when he was broke and crashing), wash his clothes and take a bath (he was living out of his car), and to have sex (when and if that worked). He couldn't hold down a job. He couldn't function unless he was high. He went from looking like a smart, successful, good-looking man to a fraction of that. The shyt was killing him. No doubt about it. And we are talking about a smart, articulate man who can do anything with his hands. If you told him to build it, it would get built. If you asked for his help, he would be there. If you needed your car worked on, he would work on it. He knows how to do anything. One of the last nights he was home, it took him 45 minutes to change out my windshield wipers. That is how far he went. For those of you who don't know, it only takes about 5 minutes per blade to change out. He was pathetic. He was a liar. He was a thief. He was repulsive in every sense. And I stood back and watched it all. I had a front row seat. My hair began to fall out. I lost a lot of weight, all from worrying day and night. He would stay gone weeks at a time without letting anyone know he was alive. In the end I had asked that he stay away from the house when my girls were there and that is when he started breaking in to get to me. He wasn't violent,as some people are, but it was a never ending battle of daily drama. I am happy to say that coming to this site was a GODsend for me. It helped me keep my sanity in my darkest days. For now, the drama and turmoil that is the meth addict has subsided because he is in jail for burglary. These are serious charges that will haunt him for years to come. But, for the time being, I can sleep easy at night.

So, there it is in a nutshell. Some of you know it already and some of you don't. I have loved this man for 22 years. I have no idea how not to love him. But I hate this drug and the effect it has had on our lives. I am working on my enabling daily. Still working on it. I have come a long way. I am proud of myself. Only time will tell. I pray for him on an hourly basis it seems. Looking for the miracle.

jg