scary to think that submission to using or giving up.Is easier then
what I cant seem to find the mental or anything else that it takes to move on.from self destruction.Never thought anything would be able to control me.Self
inventory daily finds all the reasons to take the next step before it progresses any further,f..n gave in this weekend.dissapointed once again.
It seems like somewhere in me is deciding death over life.theres still a part of my brain that is informing me of what im doing to destroy my life and if i continue all will be destroyed around me.then the other part of my brain( desease).tells me you have already done too much damage. to marriage,relationships with with everyone or anyone i knew or know and he wins.Then back in hell again.know what I need to do.But mayby i want a loaded gun.I dont want to be a statistic.I quess being physicly forced would be next step.but I sabatage my self by beeing weak.people just give up on you.Which is sad.because its the meth in control.look up week and you will find robert borges as the definition.caused by using meth.If Idont put the next step in motion.I think I"ll start daily journaing on the stages iv gone thru until.well whatever happens.I"m not here .kci to waist all of your time.I"m here to get whats in my head out so may I"ll listen to and to realize how pathetic i sound and maybe that will wake me up from this nightmare im in .
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