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When I first got into recovery, and I had barely moved into this house, I was at a meeting and my neighbor (The one I smoked a lot of weed with) came to the
place where the meeting was held to tell me the landlord had just put an eviction notice on the door.
I freaked out. I really did - I had JUST been evicted from the other house I had lived in for eight years - and had lived in this house (That I live in today) for just a few months when this happened. I wanted to bolt from the meeting, I was crying, and my friend "Smilin Jim" told me that I should just stay, that this was exactly the right time to stay with people in recovery. I was thinking "Yeah, whatever dude, you aren't getting evicted," but I stayed anyway. I understand now that he didn't want me to go out and cry into a bag of meth, which is EXACTLY what I would have done (I do believe I smoked pot that night, though.)
OK, long story short, that was 2003, probably October or November... I had quit meth in November of 2003 and as I remember, that eviction notice was a big factor in that decision. Anyway, we got it worked out, we paid the rent, and the landlord didn't evict us.
Fast forward to today.
That very same landlord just finished up the paperwork - I'm BUYING this house from him - he is carrying the loan - and I am finishing up the paperwork on Friday... and making my first mortgage payment, ever.
To the newcomer:
In 2003, I came to this house after being evicted from my other house, I was unemployed at that time, I was on a year long meth run with no job (Except this brief stint at the fairgrounds for next to no money,) and I was looking at being evicted AGAIN. There was no way I could go get a job as a nurse - there was no way I could pass a drug test because I smoked a LOT of pot. I was in bad shape.
2003 just isn't that long ago - it isn't. November 2003 - it was the END of 2003. Here it is, less than five years later, I have been clean for less than five years, and what I believed to be IMPOSSIBLE is happening.
Recovery is so worth working for on so many levels. First, you may get your sanity back. Then you may get some peace of mind, and if you continue to do the work, you may get your relationships in order, you may get your finances in order, and life starts to fall into place.
For me, it had to start with giving up the drugs. I gave up the meth first - meth took me to my knees, meth is what got me to the worst place I have ever been in life, but when I quit that, I found out that I am the kind of addict who abuses anything that gets me high... so I had to stop getting high.
I cannot believe this is happening - people like me don't buy houses. People like me aren't trustworthy, people like me don't get loans, people like me don't go anywhere in life.
Honestly, I have been really content with the knowlege that I was too old, and that I would not be a homeowner, that I had given up that option and traded it away for drugs instead.
NEVER say never. Don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens, folks. Do the work, reap the rewards.
For me, 99% of the rewards have all been the INTERNAL rewards (The peace of mind, the lack of insanity in my life, the end of all the chaos in my relationships... sleeping at night
) and I have been completely content with that, accepted that as good enough, and if nothing had changed from that point
forward, I'd still be happy.
But other things are changing too. People trust me now - THAT'S NEW.
The same person who was going to evict me now trusts me enough to lend me money to buy this house, and I will fork over that chunk of change on Friday.
I don't mind telling you I am scared Sh*tless. Change is scary. This is a HUGE change for me... but I'm gonna do it... OMG I'm buying a house...
Yeah, I'm scared.
You newcomers keep trying. It took me seven months of trying before I got it right - before I could get clean and stay that way... so don't be too hard on yourself, and don't give up - all the work you do today will pay off for you tomorrow, and all the pain of early recovery will be worth the rewards of staying clean.
I freaked out. I really did - I had JUST been evicted from the other house I had lived in for eight years - and had lived in this house (That I live in today) for just a few months when this happened. I wanted to bolt from the meeting, I was crying, and my friend "Smilin Jim" told me that I should just stay, that this was exactly the right time to stay with people in recovery. I was thinking "Yeah, whatever dude, you aren't getting evicted," but I stayed anyway. I understand now that he didn't want me to go out and cry into a bag of meth, which is EXACTLY what I would have done (I do believe I smoked pot that night, though.)
OK, long story short, that was 2003, probably October or November... I had quit meth in November of 2003 and as I remember, that eviction notice was a big factor in that decision. Anyway, we got it worked out, we paid the rent, and the landlord didn't evict us.
Fast forward to today.
That very same landlord just finished up the paperwork - I'm BUYING this house from him - he is carrying the loan - and I am finishing up the paperwork on Friday... and making my first mortgage payment, ever.
To the newcomer:
In 2003, I came to this house after being evicted from my other house, I was unemployed at that time, I was on a year long meth run with no job (Except this brief stint at the fairgrounds for next to no money,) and I was looking at being evicted AGAIN. There was no way I could go get a job as a nurse - there was no way I could pass a drug test because I smoked a LOT of pot. I was in bad shape.
2003 just isn't that long ago - it isn't. November 2003 - it was the END of 2003. Here it is, less than five years later, I have been clean for less than five years, and what I believed to be IMPOSSIBLE is happening.
Recovery is so worth working for on so many levels. First, you may get your sanity back. Then you may get some peace of mind, and if you continue to do the work, you may get your relationships in order, you may get your finances in order, and life starts to fall into place.
For me, it had to start with giving up the drugs. I gave up the meth first - meth took me to my knees, meth is what got me to the worst place I have ever been in life, but when I quit that, I found out that I am the kind of addict who abuses anything that gets me high... so I had to stop getting high.
I cannot believe this is happening - people like me don't buy houses. People like me aren't trustworthy, people like me don't get loans, people like me don't go anywhere in life.
Honestly, I have been really content with the knowlege that I was too old, and that I would not be a homeowner, that I had given up that option and traded it away for drugs instead.
NEVER say never. Don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens, folks. Do the work, reap the rewards.
For me, 99% of the rewards have all been the INTERNAL rewards (The peace of mind, the lack of insanity in my life, the end of all the chaos in my relationships... sleeping at night
) and I have been completely content with that, accepted that as good enough, and if nothing had changed from that point
forward, I'd still be happy.
But other things are changing too. People trust me now - THAT'S NEW.
The same person who was going to evict me now trusts me enough to lend me money to buy this house, and I will fork over that chunk of change on Friday.
I don't mind telling you I am scared Sh*tless. Change is scary. This is a HUGE change for me... but I'm gonna do it... OMG I'm buying a house...
Yeah, I'm scared.
You newcomers keep trying. It took me seven months of trying before I got it right - before I could get clean and stay that way... so don't be too hard on yourself, and don't give up - all the work you do today will pay off for you tomorrow, and all the pain of early recovery will be worth the rewards of staying clean.
