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My sponsor is my good friend as well as a tough talking sponsor. She is 44 and has breast cancer that has spread to her bones, it is in her spine and femur,
she has 6 months to a year.
Out of the blue. She told me yesterday about watching out when life is going good, it can pop too! She is on dilaudid, a pump...every hour for pain. She is heavily medicated and it is hard for me to see this. This woman help me save myself. She shared of being the bad mother, of giving up everything for drugs and she showed me, through the program of AA/ NA that I could have freedom of shame, guilt, pain and misery and find a new way of living. She help me pick up the pieces as I worked my steps. We played on the softball team, went to many meetings, had coffee and cried for a many number of hours during the first 6 months of my recovery. She had me drop to me knees daily seeking that higher power connection that I could not tap into on my own...and one day on my knees praying to something I wasnt sure exsisted...I cried...it finally worked. The "fake it, till ya make it" really got me to believe. She is an amazing woman. She lead by example and when she was having a bad time, she was of service. She worked her program and she has over two years...and now this.
It has truly hit me hard. I didnt think I had this inside of me...this kind of love for someone other then my children.
I take that year chip sunday night at the "promises" meeting...it will be hard for me, the chip that we as a team, worked so dang hard for.
what I have learned from this:
life is too dang short...and great people get sick and suffer and die, while scum of the earth can roam around causing pain and destruction all around them...sometimes "Gods" plan doesnt make sense.
Out of the blue. She told me yesterday about watching out when life is going good, it can pop too! She is on dilaudid, a pump...every hour for pain. She is heavily medicated and it is hard for me to see this. This woman help me save myself. She shared of being the bad mother, of giving up everything for drugs and she showed me, through the program of AA/ NA that I could have freedom of shame, guilt, pain and misery and find a new way of living. She help me pick up the pieces as I worked my steps. We played on the softball team, went to many meetings, had coffee and cried for a many number of hours during the first 6 months of my recovery. She had me drop to me knees daily seeking that higher power connection that I could not tap into on my own...and one day on my knees praying to something I wasnt sure exsisted...I cried...it finally worked. The "fake it, till ya make it" really got me to believe. She is an amazing woman. She lead by example and when she was having a bad time, she was of service. She worked her program and she has over two years...and now this.
It has truly hit me hard. I didnt think I had this inside of me...this kind of love for someone other then my children.
I take that year chip sunday night at the "promises" meeting...it will be hard for me, the chip that we as a team, worked so dang hard for.
what I have learned from this:
life is too dang short...and great people get sick and suffer and die, while scum of the earth can roam around causing pain and destruction all around them...sometimes "Gods" plan doesnt make sense.
