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Coming up on 9 weeks and I got "da blues"
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 The Doc49 |
Coming up on 9 weeks and I got "da blues" |
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Posts: 18 (04/01/08 21:12:22) |
Last Edited By: The Doc49 07/29/08 01:00:03.
Edited 1 time.
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Penel0pe |
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Posts: 6225 (04/01/08 21:52:54) Moderator |
Don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing the right thing today, and you still got some living left to do.
Listen, I moved into this house in August 2003, and by October 2003, there was an eviction notice hanging on the door. We manage to talk our way out of it, thank god. Long story short - well - not too long of a story - here it is March of 2008, and I'm gonna BUY this house. I stopped using in January of 2004 (Lots of dates, huh?) So, lets put that together. I moved in, two months after that I almost got evicted, a couple months after that I got clean, and a little more than four years later, the same landlord who put that eviction notice on my door is selling (And financing) this house to me. It's not over till it's over. There is no way in hell that even a few months ago I thought I would ever be able to buy a house, at least not for another ten years or something... but it happened. It's happening because I got clean, I stay clean one day at a time, and I have done what I can to put my life back together as much as I can, a little at a time. I still have a LOT of work to do, I still have messes from the past that need cleaning up, but little by little, day by day, life has gotten better. I used for a long time, and I am in my forties. I wasted my entire adult life on getting high... but ya know, I'm still breathing, and so are you. Just don't use, and do what you can do to put your life together one day at a time. You might not get rich, you may never get a Ferrari, you might not get everything you want, but most likely you will get what you NEED, and at the very least, learn to be happy - that has to be good, right? |
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The Doc49 |
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Posts: 19 (04/02/08 00:49:51) |
Last Edited By: The Doc49
07/29/08 01:00:23.
Edited 1 times.
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 6842 (04/02/08 04:26:08) Forum Star |
Doc, I know you are involved in a church. Do they by chance have a Celebrate Recovery program or other recovery support program there? Having people who are
going through the sames things as you -in person-might be wonderful. There are a lot of Christians in AA, NA and CMA too, you might check em out if you
haven't already.
Have you read SFJ's addiction and recovery story on his site or maybe it's on here too.? It's a good story and you might relate in some ways as he was a functioning professional with degrees and then chose an interesting job for a year in his early recovery. I believe he worked in a cemetery, digging. He has said that the hard work helped him....He was taking it all one day at a time and his life was being created again one day at a time. God bless your renewal luv luv |
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fishslapr |
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Posts: 204 (04/02/08 05:08:56) |
hey doc, I'm Greg. I too spent way too many decades altering my mental state, and now wading thru what I dived into. There will always people that seem to
have done better than us... I see them as an inspiration to try & better myself all the more. And monitary success as I am sure you know doesnt gaurentte
happiness. I went thru a depressed state a few months into being clean that pretty much shut down all activity. I don't know how much of it was due to
getting of tyhe garbage, but I am certian that was alot if it. I also dont know how much of my feeling better is duwe to the anti-depressants my therapist
perscribed, & at this point I dont care about that all that much, as long as I can spend some of my day smiling now. I'm sorry, but I completely lost
my point... maybe it was just to say it does get better... anyway... I live in so cal also... we can get together for lunch if ya want...
take care bro, fish |
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XOutlaw Woman |
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Posts: 1787 (04/02/08 06:07:46) Forum Friend |
We all go through times of reflection. I do it every year at my birthday. I cry and throw a fit because of all the regrets and the coulda, woulda, and
shouldas. But you know what? All the things in my past made me who I am today, and who I am today is alright with me. I may not have a glamourous career, or a
big fancy car, a country club membership, or a high dollar house, but the thing is that none of that would truely make me happy anyway. I love my new (clean)
life , and it is simple and easy. I am proud of the changes I made that many never do. You should be proud too. Be proud of who you are and be happy with what
you have. One of the secrets to happiness is wanting what you have, not getting what you want.
WAY TO GO on 9 weeks! WHOO HOOO!! |
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smilewasmask |
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Posts: 1949 (04/02/08 06:38:49) Forum Friend |
Hello Doc!
Well we ought to start a club! That first year is a son~of~a~bytch! A few months into my first year , my son graduated from high~school. He had one of his friend's mom host his graduation party. She did EVERYTHING....didn't need / or want ANY help from me. Well, now it is 2 years later and my daughter is graduating from high~school. A couple of weeks ago , she asked me where I was going to host HER party! She told me that she would do the invites and that I would be in charge of EVERYTHING else! I am 53 years old and the only thing I have going for me is that I am not using meth. No house...no car.....no dollars...hubby is in prison..... Retirement fund....NOT..... But my children have faith in me again And respect... I think , Doc, that you will find that what you are feeling will pass. At least it did for me. And I hope that it will for you as well. I wish you Godspeed in finding the Perfect job. I was lucky and am taking care of small grandchildren in exchange for room and board. It is working out for all of us..... *Bling~bling* ain't all it is cracked up to be... You can get up early and look at the dew drops on the blades of grass with the color of dawn illuminating. Now THAT is what folk like us have for jewels. At this time in my life , I am truly learning to just BE HERE NOW. CONGRATULATIONS on your 3 months! You are doing GREAT!!! Sincerely, Roxi |
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nineyearsclean |
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Posts: 7360 (04/02/08 07:39:20) Best Friend to KCI |
Hey Doc! Good to see you again. You're doing fine. It may be alot to handle sometimes, and you may be overwhelmed by that, but you're doing just fine.
I read between the lines. You are staying the course, keeping the Good Lord close at hand, and, like you said, taking your medicine. That's all part of
this recovery thing, and the only way to get through it - is to GO THROUGH IT. Can't go around it; can't go under or over it. Gotta go through it.
After some time, when the time is right for you, you will emerge on the other side where it is safe and warm and peaceful and calm.
"Know that when your world is slipping away from you, I will not slip away. I am the light in your darkest hour; I am the dream in your silent night. I am the quiet stream, slowly moving mountains. Know that nothing is ever beyond your reach, so long as you hold it in your heart. When you feel that your battle's done and you can fight no longer, turn to me. I will lead you. And when the sun's last rays sink below the horizon and the darkest night engulfs you sleep soundly. For I am the coming dawn." Hope by Danmara ps: I'll be 52 in August, so there!!! |
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 danimal55 |
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Posts: 7009 (04/02/08 07:39:49) Forum Star |
Blues or not Doc....we're all right where we're supposed to be....or we'd be somewhere else.
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Penel0pe |
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Posts: 6234 (04/02/08 09:32:18) Moderator |
Wow, Doc - you're doing better than you thought you were - at least the rest of us think so!
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 247 (04/02/08 12:33:59) |
Doc,
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6451 (04/02/08 12:42:41) Moderator |
There is a common saying in AA:
"Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink." I'm not saying that you're crying poor me. And I can relate! I'm suggesting we look at the message in that phrase and see what there is to learn from it. What I get out of that common saying is that WHEN I slip into the mind set of "OMG, what did I do to myself, how did I get so far from my goals?" that it can mean danger for me. Negative thinking feeds my addiction. Positive thinking feeds my recovery. That phrase tells me, when I'm feeling "da blues" that it is important that I do whatever it takes to change my thought. Find something positive to think about. Write a gratitude list. Talk to another addict about the joys we find in recovery, and stop comparing my insides to someone else's outsides. |
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Rancid1 |
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Posts: 692 (04/02/08 12:56:04) |
Congrats on 9 weeks doc.
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TenderheartsKS |
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Posts: 1071 (04/02/08 15:59:08) Moderator |
Roxi hit the nail on the head for me when she said that first year's a bytch!
Ups and downs, ups and downs. You know what? I'm turning 50 this coming May. Tomorrow I'm getting a college campus tour and will finally finish my degree! Time's too short to spend regretting the past. Live in today and embrace life to the fullest! 
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Brendar |
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Posts: 766 (04/02/08 16:08:26) |
I agree with Rancid
Congrats on 9 weeks!! |
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The Doc49 |
You all got to me...really | ||
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Posts: 20 (04/02/08 19:01:12) |
Last Edited By: The Doc49
07/29/08 01:01:06.
Edited 1 times.
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The Doc49 |
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Posts: 21 (04/02/08 19:12:49) |
Last Edited By: The Doc49
07/29/08 01:01:20.
Edited 1 times.
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TenderheartsKS |
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Posts: 1073 (04/02/08 19:58:15) Moderator |
That's what friends are for!
I like that smiling picture you have there! |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 6873 (04/02/08 20:52:05) Forum Star |
 Many of my bestest of friends are Leos. I find em everywhere I
go!
Did ya meet SFJ in San Fran? should've if ya didn't 
I'm grateful you're here. luv |
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smilewasmask |
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Posts: 1951 (04/03/08 07:26:04) Forum Friend |
*got them little goose bumps when one gets all excited*............
^^^^^^^^^^ I have a little theory about those little goose bumps........ .....Well. You know how you get them when you first did a blast? .......and then they were gone? THAT was pseudo. Fake. Fleeting. Taunting. ........a very poor substitute for the REAL thing , which imho is the Feeling of The Grace of God. .........Which , imho, one feels when one is on the Right Path. True. Lasting. Free. For Reals!!!!! |
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