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I believed in till death do us part too. With all of my heart and soul, I believed in it. And yes, losing my husband to meth and that lifestyle was, indeed, the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. It's been 12 years, and it still haunts me.

We were co-addicts. I never touched the stuff until I met him, and I still don't know why I said yes instead of no, like I always had before then.

Nearly 15 years later, after I got clean and learned that there was a much better way to live, he wanted nothing to do with me - clean.

I went to prison for a year, I lost (temporarily) the respect of my only child, I publicly faced alot of shame and humiliation (my face was plastered across the front page of Section B of our local newspaper), and inch by inch I climbed a very high mountain of damage and destruction caused by my addiction and made it to the other side, but.....

NOTHING was as painful and heartbreaking as losing my husband/marriage. Because I, like you, believed in till death do us part. I believed that we each would ultimately live up to the promise we made to each other that day, and do whatever it took to make it work, because we loved each other dearly.

Well, if it had been up to me, that's what would have happened. But it wasn't entirely up to me, was it? He had a say in it too. And he made is choice. He chose meth, not me. Not us. Not our future together.

I don't think it will ever stop being sad. It is what it is, and it is painfully sad. Still.

God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
The courage to change the things I can,
And......THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

I can't change his choice. I won't even try. I will accept it, and, move on..........

That's the only thing that will keep me above water. Otherwise, I drown in sorrow.

I have a choice too: sink or swim.

I will swim. I hope you will too.

With much love to you my sister,

Lori