I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this, maybe as a deterrent to others, or just dont know what else to do to cope with the guilt, failure and regret. I fell in love with a meth addict at a time in my life when I was self destructive and immature. to get to the point I quit using and she didnt want to. Plan was to get sober then get her sober and together put the past behind us and start fresh somewhere. I grew up a lot since i quit found a job enrolled into school and reconnected with friends. She left me while I had withdrawals and is now a prostitute and sleeping with a dealer and thinks he loves her. found condoms in rubbish bin at her palce sms from guys. She has nothing but hatred for me, blames me for everything even if its irrational. On christmas she knew I found out my father was dying and she sms me "karma now your father is sick merry christmas". Theres more but you get the idea. The only issue we had was honestly the drug. We were a great couple im not delusional. Its been 2 months since I understood it was over im not just picturing the happy times like people do after a breakup.
now I dont know where she lives. She thinks she is happy.. I dont know who the dealer is.
Reading this I assume you are thinking "move on, she was addict before you met, she has to take responsibility wtf are you holding on to.." I get it, ive changed my mobile 1 week ago and continue to better my life. My contact with her wasnt about getting her back I just didnt want to abandon her. I miss the sweet girl that loved me and my family we all loved her and still do. I dont who she is now even looks different. To me its no different than mourning a death. Maybe worse because I dont know if I should let go or not because a part of her might still be inside who she is now.
I think I wanted to be told it will be ok and things will work out, but I know shes gone. Her body and mind will continue to deteriorate and an early death is inevitable.
*!%# this drug