Honesty is the best policy. Or is it? Do you tell the truth even if you know it will literally break someones heart? Those are questions running through my head right now.
I would've had 15 months clean on Friday, but relapsed last week and have been on a binge ever since. I've caught myself thinking that I can control it this time around because I'm working and functioning OK right now. Reality is I can't control it. I'm already using all day ever day. At work, at home. Wherever I go.
I have a huge support system and sad to have to tell them that I've started using again. Especially my mom. My biggest supporter. She beams of happiness telling everyone of my success. I know it's going to break her heart to know I'm using again.
I want to give up. I feel like a complete failure. I'm not sure how to work through the guilt or pain this relapse will cause. For now I am just numb.
