Hi everybody. Thank you for accepting my membership request. I hope that I might find (and eventually be able to give back) some support here.
Well, to keep my story reasonably short, I'm in my early 30's and have recently stumbled across this junk that has destroyed so many lives. I knew better, I knew damn well better. A month ago now, I decided one tiny bag for some fun over the weekend wouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, we all know how that ends. For about the last 2-1/2 - 3 weeks, it's been almost daily use. Of course the reason (excuse) I gave myself was my job is incredibly stressful right now because on top of running my own department, two Case Managers left at once, so now I'm not only running my department, but doing Case Management for 20 people. This month it's especially stressful and non-stop work of about 12-14 hours a day because of the approaching holidays.
All that aside, I decided to discontinue use as of today. Well, I thought I had decided. Toward the evening I indulged yet again, and gained absolutely nothing from it but disappointment in myself. I didn't buy, and have nothing in terms of supply. Already took the steps late last week of taking my connections' number out of my phone and deleting any call or text history to ensure I no longer had access.
My real issue isn't so much the desire to stop while I'm ahead, but more the fear of what's coming within the next few weeks in terms of withdrawal. They're not going to let me miss work. I'd be lucky to get one sick day off this month without answering for it, simply because they're really depending on me for so much right now. I'm hoping that after only a few weeks of daily use, I'll still be 'somewhat' okay. I've been doing everything I can to make sure I sleep every night for at least 5-6 hours, eat, take vitamins, and drink plenty of water or vitamin water throughout the duration of use. I just can't believe I let it get so out of control so fast, and after reading all these horrible stories about the mental and physical punishment that lies ahead, frankly, I'm scared to death. I feel bad for being this scared, as there are people here who have managed to put themselves back together after YEARS of this same thing. My one little month pales in comparison. Can't help feeling scared all the same. At least now I have what seems to be a very nice place to come for advice and support.
Sorry this went on much longer than I intended. Thank you all so much in advance, and God bless.
