Yesterday I was in the bathroom and my dogs started going crazy. My big dog was barking, whining and making her "I'm so excited to see someone" sounds, and my quiet little dog started in barking and then howling with excitement. I thought it was the guys that do my yard work. They are friends of my son and my dogs love them. This was over the top excitement I hadn't heard from them in a long time, for anyone.
I walked into the kitchen and the phone rang. It was my daughter. Are you home? She asked. I kind of laughed and said, well yes, you called my landline. She said, I'm at the door. Your at my door? Yes she answered.
My first reaction was to scoop up all the valuables laying around and toss them in my purse, before answering the door. Her MO when using is to steal everything of value, so I wasn't going to take any chances.
There she was standing at my doorstep looking great and healthy and so happy to see me.
We hugged and I told her it was so good to see her. I haven't seen her since Nov. 2012.
I asked her, what are you doing here? She said she was taking a break from the drama of the house she lives in.
Her friend was waiting in the car and she went and got her bags and suitcase after I asked her to come in.
She took the train and bus here. She had been here for a couple of days, staying in a hotel with an old friend who has supposedly been clean for over a year. Who knows.
I fed her and after talking for a while, she said she had tried to stay in the same room but they wanted $100 for that night, so she was going to have to take the bus back, as she didn't have anywhere to stay.
Soooo, my knee jerk reaction...just stay here for the night and you can go back tomorrow. As I said the words, I knew my hubby would not be happy that I didn't consult him first.
I called him and told him. Yes, he said you should have called me, I said I know, but it just blurted out of my mouth. He understood.
She seemed clear headed, rational and we had a good talk. She fell asleep on the sofa. Her living situation is not the best and she said she can't stay there much longer. I talked to her about finding a room in a sober home to rent until after her program. She is still on a wait list to start. Then it will be 90 days.
So here's where the foggy gray area of the boundary lines are. How far do I go to help? My new way to deal with her is to just be flat out honest about my feelings, what I have to do to to not slide back in my old ways of helping too much, so that she can learn to take the reins of her own life.
It feels so great having her here and in an instant, the missing piece of my heart is restored.
I'm going to wake her up soon, so I'll keep you posted. I have to stay strong and put her back on the bus home this afternoon, so she can deal with her life and face the consequences of her actions. So hard to do!
Thoughts and constructive ideas are welcome!
I walked into the kitchen and the phone rang. It was my daughter. Are you home? She asked. I kind of laughed and said, well yes, you called my landline. She said, I'm at the door. Your at my door? Yes she answered.
My first reaction was to scoop up all the valuables laying around and toss them in my purse, before answering the door. Her MO when using is to steal everything of value, so I wasn't going to take any chances.
There she was standing at my doorstep looking great and healthy and so happy to see me.
We hugged and I told her it was so good to see her. I haven't seen her since Nov. 2012.
I asked her, what are you doing here? She said she was taking a break from the drama of the house she lives in.
Her friend was waiting in the car and she went and got her bags and suitcase after I asked her to come in.
She took the train and bus here. She had been here for a couple of days, staying in a hotel with an old friend who has supposedly been clean for over a year. Who knows.
I fed her and after talking for a while, she said she had tried to stay in the same room but they wanted $100 for that night, so she was going to have to take the bus back, as she didn't have anywhere to stay.
Soooo, my knee jerk reaction...just stay here for the night and you can go back tomorrow. As I said the words, I knew my hubby would not be happy that I didn't consult him first.
I called him and told him. Yes, he said you should have called me, I said I know, but it just blurted out of my mouth. He understood.
She seemed clear headed, rational and we had a good talk. She fell asleep on the sofa. Her living situation is not the best and she said she can't stay there much longer. I talked to her about finding a room in a sober home to rent until after her program. She is still on a wait list to start. Then it will be 90 days.
So here's where the foggy gray area of the boundary lines are. How far do I go to help? My new way to deal with her is to just be flat out honest about my feelings, what I have to do to to not slide back in my old ways of helping too much, so that she can learn to take the reins of her own life.
It feels so great having her here and in an instant, the missing piece of my heart is restored.
I'm going to wake her up soon, so I'll keep you posted. I have to stay strong and put her back on the bus home this afternoon, so she can deal with her life and face the consequences of her actions. So hard to do!
Thoughts and constructive ideas are welcome!
