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Oct 21 13 8:04 PM
downunderguyDo the military conduct random drug tests? If so, how have u gotten around them? And also, welcome. Best of luck with everything. Its not easy but its worth it. yes they do. Im not going to say how ive gotten around them other than im the one that conducts them. Beyond that, i can get in enough trouble to begin with. Im not going to get anyone else in trouble because they trusted me.
Oct 21 13 8:20 PM
Evensteven3Hey Shattered - does it occur to you that Phoenix immediately identified you might have some concurrent disorders going on. eg this behavior and anger may be a mixture of ptsd and meth ? Dont bite the hand man.From what your saying getting help might be imperative. I dont know what the answer is to your job predicament but it is often said in recovery that those things we place above our recovery will be the first we lose. I`m not even exactly sure i understand what all this piss testing stuff is about. I thought you had stopped using ? If you stop using for even a couple of days it would make all those numbers irrelevent. i stopped using last night. I flushed what i had left. Destroyed the pipes. Deleted any and all messages, number and calls to/from my dealer. Then pulled all the deleted files off my phone and put them onto my computer. Then deleted those as well. Pulling deleted info off a phone is easy. I dont have or have access to the software required to do the same to my computer. I also went through and put my dealer's number as a blocked number. Now i have no way of contacting and vice versa. This morning when i read phoenix's message i was already pissed. You made some valid points and at least steered me in the direction of research. Thank you. Please accept my apology. Ive struggled with anger issues my whole life. Funny thing is, on meth, nice and high im horny and happy. But then theres those times i do too much, like when stress builds up and ill literally do an 8 ball in a 24hr period. Based off the research ive been doung today, i would agree that i put myself into some sort of meth psychosis. Thankfully, im not at the point where it continues for days after my last use. A good nights sleep and 12hrs between uses usually cures it. Which also explains why it primarily happens during the weekends. That being said, while i feel ive identified the diagnosis, and two cures. One cure is not an option. Reduction in use. This i cant/wont do. The other cure, abstinence all together, is my only option. Im sticking by it. Its been almost a full 24hrs since my last use. Today i was tired, sore, cranky, pissed and starving. Tomorrow will be the same. My family is my motivation. Am i placing anything above my recovery? No. If it becomes absolutely necessary then yes, i will check myself into rehab somewhere. That being said, tomorrow is my last day off and then its back to 16-18hr days and since i dont have any in the house to use, saturday becomes my first big test. My plan is to change the oil in one of my trucks, pull the steering pump in the other, go to the gym and maybe take the wife on the harley if its not too cold. Those should take all day saturday. I have tomorrow already scheduled with very little down time.
Oct 21 13 8:24 PM
once apon a timeFirst I want to welcome you here, a place of fellowship, with people that may not be the same as you or me, or even the next person. But all sharing in a common fact. Meth has in some way or another entered our lives and turned it upside down. Secondly, I want to Thank-you, as one of our Solders serving Us and our Country. I can't give you all the answers you are looking for right now, as I have not had the experiences as you. But I can say, there are some pretty great people here, with some awesome words to give. Some times they may not be what you want to hear at times. But just keep an open mind for now. What doesn't seem wanted today, maybe needed tomorrow. At the moment, I can read that you really want to make a change. And you have made some really good start choices. For starter looking for a meeting and going. Then coming here and searching for answers. Opening your self up to total strangers, not an easy thing for anyone. But yet here you are and here we are, let us help in what ever way we can. I know its hard right now, but believe me, its all worth it. You can do this. For YOU, For Your FAMILY, For the Future For ALL of YOU! I'm Marla, A Meth Addict of over 5years. Now in recovery for a little over 6years, Along with my Husband and Daughter who share in recovery with me as a Family. ((((HUGS)))) and Prays, marla, thank you. Honestly its easier to open up here than it was at the meeting. I dont know any of you and our chances of crossing paths are slim. The people at the meeting however i stood in front of and introduced myself. I didnt feel comfortable going into as much detail as i have in this forum. I did talk about what id learned about meth psychosis and many agreed that i may have induced that. This is a step by step process as you all know. I have my moments of doubt but i keep re-reading my first post here and use that as my motivation to stay clean.
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Oct 24 13 1:32 PM
downunderguy wrote:I recall when I first got clean that I noticed little things like the trees blowing in the wind, the birds flying in the sky etc etc. I remember sitting at a set of traffic lights and missed a whole set as I stared out the window at life. Then, i started to walk my kids through the gate at school instead of just dropping them off- too scattered and paranoid to face the other parents and teachers. The smile that these simple things bought to my childrens face reaffirmed my total and unwaivering commitment to get clean. Back then, as I would now- I would have and still would do absolutely whatever it took to get clean. And you know what, the sky didnt fall in. Life didnt end. Sure, meth preoccupied my thoughts daily for the first few months, but as time went by my desire to use slowly dissapated. And boy oh boy- hasnt life been a zillion times better ever since.OMG I couldn't have said it better.The joys of watching life again, offeeling it again and sharing in a childslife priceless. And the feeling of belongingagain. Hope your doing well today Shattered
Oct 24 13 3:59 PM
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