Husband not letting me go... and I can't let go of him.
Hello, I have been visiting KCI for a while now and must say it's a great site!!! Learned so much!!!
Unfortunately my husband is a meth addict and fortunately for all of us, today he is in jail. We are married for 8 years now and have a beautiful little girl. We love him very much and I know he loves us too. I never did drugs and was always the stronger one. I am not going to write our whole story now, but long story short. Sober times, we were a great family, using times, a living nightmare. Besides, mainly because of this drug use our marriage is long distance now and just like we all know, meth and infidelity go hand in hand. Yes, my husband relapsed again and turns out this time he found a woman who was using meth with him... a really horrible one, and I bet she wasn't the only one along the way. Anyway, point is he would hide the fact from me and the only way I found out about her, was her contacting me on purpose, trying to cause drama! Of course he would deny and as far as I know they weren't together all of the time. He even tired to quit the drug one time, went back to his parents house and did quite well for about 3 weeks... but she would call non stop, she would not let go of him, just like a leech and next thing we know, he finally gave in and was meeting her at different places, as she was the one bringing him dope... So his parents knew about her existence, but the only thing he would tell them is that he is disgusted with her, she means nothing, etc, etc (I bet many of u heard things like that before too)... that he loves me and our daughter and if he could just take a plane he would go this second (he couldn't because he got into trouble with the law and was suppose to check into rehab... and of course he did not). Then, one day he just disappears again and is back on the street with her, chasing dope. They would crash at different places and even hotels, running off without paying, pushing themselves to stealing, and God knows what else... Within this last moth before his arrest he lost at least 40 pounds... I mean things got totally out of control... typical picture. He also reached out to him mom many, many times saying he is done with this sick life, that he wants to save our marriage, etc... he never found the strength to come back. It was really painful for all of us...
As many times as I asked my husband, "if this is what you want, just tell me and I will leave you alone"... he never did. NEVER! Instead he would start to panic and said "no, no, please, I'll call you back in a bit"... He would never tell me "I love meth and this is what I want". Or he never said "yes, I am with another meth user and I love her". He never said anything like that to me and he never said this to his parents... Besides my mother-in-law says that she was the one encouraging this whole situation and they were just mainly using each other because of the drug.
Now, he is in jail and things are starting to get better. He told his mom he is happy he got arrested because he couldn't stop on his own and that he wants to do as much time possible, to get out without parole, to be able to take the plane right away and come back to us, that he is done with drugs and hates this place (I wish nothing more than this to be true - yes, my trust was broken big time). He also remembered about our anniversary - called his mom all day until she answered to make sure she gives me the message, he also wanted me to let the chaplain know where he is at- he can't call me, cuz I am out of country... so time will show.
But my question here is, does anyone have an idea, why couldn't he just tell me that this is what he wants, that he is letting me go, that he wants to do meth and be with a meth user who is not having any expectations, a normal wive has...I bet there are addicts who tell their families straight up, goodbye.
Please, I am not looking for answers like, just move on, leave him and such, just want to know what is going through an addicts head in this situation.
One more thing, from what I found out, when she wasn't around he would tell people how much he misses and loves me and our little girl... Truth is we are the best thing in his life... So, what I am suppose to think of this? Am I just a safe haven or does an addict, who fell this low, really loves and misses his normal life and family?
Last Edited By: LifeIsAGift Oct 19 12 7:41 AM. Edited 1 time.