Hello everyone and Im sad to say but Im still using. Im scared of the outcome of my getting clean, the withdrawls are gonna be awful I just know it. I almost died the first time I quit after 8 yrs of everyday using. And I mean everyday. I just have a few questions that I dont understand about Meth. Now when I was in my recovery after I got clean I stayed sick. My hip became infected and drained the whole time. I cant explain how awful it was to have to deal with that everyday. I was so depressed and had almost given up hope. I tried church,living right, taking care of myself, just about begging orthopedics to help me and take the hip out and put a new one in. I also have major back problems and need surgery and they want even fix my back because of the infection that was in my hip. So Id more less given up hope, got very djmy epressed and then got angry and said Im gonna die anyway so why not use and at least I cant feel all this hurt and regret, disappointment. All I dont was sit around and think about how Ive wasted my life away, and I could see it slowly fading away. My boyfriend after 9 yrs moved 300 miles away , the only man I will ever love. Didnt want to be with me anymore I guess because I was clean. Is that not crazy, and get this now that Im using again my hip has stopped draining completely like the infection was never there. And my bf tried to come back when he found out I was using, I let him for a few days then I left one day and stayed gone all day and he got mad and wennt back to his home town. Not because I wasnt there but because I didnt leave him any dope. So needless to say we are thru and I know now why he stayed with me all those years. I know that Meth will kill me if I dont stop and I am after the holidays are over, im gonna sat down with my family and tell them. In the meantime Im looking for a rehab that I can go to . I want to have it all ready so when I do tell them I will be on my way out the door to rehab. I know in my heart that even though I got clean on my own the first time after I got out of the hosp. I need to have some kind of detox and I dont want my family to have to see me the way they seen me the first time I came off this crap. I will not put them thru that again.; Thanks yall for letting me share this with yall and dont give up on me because Im not I will be clean again. I dont want to live this way anymore. I hate it. CrazyGirl





