So before I start, technically I'm not quit yet. It's been less than 24 hrs since I last used, but when I was done I decide that I didn't want to do it again . . . at least till New Years. Now, because I really want to be done with it for ever.
Here's my story:
Last night after already being up for 36+ hours, I tried to use the rest of what I had so I wouldn't wake up to any in the morning. I still ended up passing out around 11. I woke up at three (wow, only four hours of sleep since Wednesday morning), maybe I should write this tomorrow. I guess you can tell by my run on, rambling sentences. ANYWAY, I had a spat with my family this morning over something stupid, and I spent the rest of the day stressing over it. Then we talked. And it was all better. That was it. I was ready to move out or at least draft a formal rental agreement, and they decided, let's talk it out. They helped me take a step back and realize what my issues were (petty things really). The point is, they're really an amazing family. They may be unaware of my suffering, or choose to respect my privacy and are unwilling to confront me, but they care. Honestly, more than I care about them most of the time.
Then we decided to take a trip to the local shopping center. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but to my slowly decelerating, sleep deprived, mind, it was Hell. Everyone was talking about me, everyone was looking at me. You all know how it is. I realized when I was finally liberated from that particular Hell that I would never wish that on my family. And, if they care about me, more than I care about them, then if they knew how bad it was, they would talk to me about it in a heart beat. So for my family, in the hopes that they never have to experience that and so they never have to take the step for the intervention, I'm quitting. Right now, I want to quit. Last week, I wanted to want to quit. This week I want to quit.
Thank you everyone, I couldn't have made this step without you. Of course if I wake up in the morning and I realize what horrible writing this post was, I may delete it, but I suspect that my lack of confidence has more to do with sleep deprivation than an actual decline in my abilities.
Thanks again,
Oblivion
Here's my story:
Last night after already being up for 36+ hours, I tried to use the rest of what I had so I wouldn't wake up to any in the morning. I still ended up passing out around 11. I woke up at three (wow, only four hours of sleep since Wednesday morning), maybe I should write this tomorrow. I guess you can tell by my run on, rambling sentences. ANYWAY, I had a spat with my family this morning over something stupid, and I spent the rest of the day stressing over it. Then we talked. And it was all better. That was it. I was ready to move out or at least draft a formal rental agreement, and they decided, let's talk it out. They helped me take a step back and realize what my issues were (petty things really). The point is, they're really an amazing family. They may be unaware of my suffering, or choose to respect my privacy and are unwilling to confront me, but they care. Honestly, more than I care about them most of the time.
Then we decided to take a trip to the local shopping center. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but to my slowly decelerating, sleep deprived, mind, it was Hell. Everyone was talking about me, everyone was looking at me. You all know how it is. I realized when I was finally liberated from that particular Hell that I would never wish that on my family. And, if they care about me, more than I care about them, then if they knew how bad it was, they would talk to me about it in a heart beat. So for my family, in the hopes that they never have to experience that and so they never have to take the step for the intervention, I'm quitting. Right now, I want to quit. Last week, I wanted to want to quit. This week I want to quit.
Thank you everyone, I couldn't have made this step without you. Of course if I wake up in the morning and I realize what horrible writing this post was, I may delete it, but I suspect that my lack of confidence has more to do with sleep deprivation than an actual decline in my abilities.
Thanks again,
Oblivion
