Husband meth and cyber porn addict..do these two go hand to hand? in General Discussion Forum

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Husband meth and cyber porn addict..do these two go hand to hand?

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Confused Wife	Husband meth and cyber porn addict..do these two go hand to hand?	Lead	[-]
Posts: 27 Mar 15 11 5:10 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hello Everyone, I have been reading and taking in all comments posted regarding my situation. I cannot beleive how many of us have the same story to tell. Thank you all!! Here's my story...I have been married to my husband for 11 years if I make it to August it will be 12 yrs. I recently (Dec. 2010) found out that my husband has been using some type of drug and in Jan. of this year confirmed that it was Meth. You all probably thinking "just found out"? Yes, and boy am I blown away. But he is also addicted to internet porn and uses a webcam. Are these two connected? Meth & Porn? I have been doing some snooping and have found out that he has been on this certain website since Oct. 2010 interacting with these porn whores. I have managed to get his user name & password and found out that he has been on this site almost everyday for about 4-6 hours masterbating (yes, when I am working or late at night when I go to bed). Can a meth user masterbate for this long? The last time my husband and I had sex he could not cum and kept going soft. Was this caused by the meth and too much materbation. Also one time when he did cum it was very liquidy not creamy and sticky. I have been going to a therapist for that I can get the help I will need to move forward with my life and daughter's. I have anxiety, cannot sleep when he is in the garage until the next morning and if I ask him not to go into the garage he makes up lies that he is doing paperwork. But I know he's in there watching porn and jacking off. I feel cheated, why does he not come to me for his sexual pleasures. I feel I know that my only solution will be to separate from my husband but it's very hard as I am deeply in love with this man and our daughter just adores her daddy but he has denied using meth and watching porn. Even though I have evidence of the meth (cut up straws, tiny plastic baggies some have residue of meth, water bottles with some sort of drink in it and the baggies & straws in it, text messages that he needs a 40 & he not only blows his nose but flushes it with water for 15 minutes or more). I caught him once masterbating and he said that he does it because he feels frustrated when we have sex because he cannot cum or stay hard for me to enjoy the sex. I am asking you all for insight to this as it is so new to me. I am now wondering if he has been using meth our entire time married. At first I thought he might be bi-polar or very depressed when he would sleep the entire weekend but now I know it's the Meth. I don't know what to do, I'm very scared to take the next step. Thank you! Last Edited By: Confused Wife Mar 15 11 5:17 PM. Edited 2 times.
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Confused Wife		#1	[-]
Posts: 27 Mar 15 11 5:12 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Last Edited By: Confused Wife Mar 15 11 5:16 PM. Edited 1 times.
Lisa		#2	[-]
Posts: 6687 Mar 15 11 5:37 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	*"Husband meth and cyber porn addict..do these two go hand to hand?"* Like peanut butter and jelly. Like Ozzie and Harriett. Like Thelma and Louise. Like pretzels and beer. Hi, I'm Lisa...Welcome to KCI.
Paws from hell		#3	[-]
Posts: 4189 Mar 15 11 6:00 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Dear Ms. Confused Wife ; YOUR HUSBAND IS AN ADDICT Al ..............
LivesWithWolves1	Welcome to the Board	#4	[-]
Posts: 1078 Mar 15 11 6:15 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	SFJ has some great postings for what wives can do in this type of situation. Hopefully, someone can direct you to that information. Sounds like your husband is addicted to Meth and Porn and YES the two go hand in hand. I know you feel slighted and hurt by him going to other sources for his pleasure - but it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with addiction and Meth. He sounds like he is in deep denial and doesn't feel ready to stop or make a change. If you could calmly intervene in some way to get him in rehab that would be ideal. Those are only words though .... and it is not an easy thing to do. My first concern is with your daughter - she needs to be safe - how old is she? Do you know that your daughter could be taken from you since Meth is being used in your home? Secondly, you need to be concerned with your finances. If your husband gets increasingly more addicted he will need more and more Meth. Porn can cost lots of money too. Meth Addicts will take all the money you need for food, diapers, rent/mortgage, PG&E, etc. and use it for their immediate concern - their addiction. If you have joint bank accounts - move the money elsewhere - in your name only. Do you work and/or have your own source of income? That's is enough for now - sorry I know how terrifying and terrible all this is. Keep posting and all kinds of folks will assist you with their opinions.
nineyearsclean		#5	[-]
Posts: 13235 Mar 15 11 6:23 PM Best Friend to KCI Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Lisa wrote: Like Thelma and Louise. Lisa: I'm Louise - you're Thelma. No? To Confused Wife: From everything I've learned over many years, meth and porn go hand in hand in many instances. WELCOME to KCI.
joanie		#6	[-]
Posts: 33 Mar 16 11 12:41 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	CW: My sister is a methhead and SHE watches porn a whole lot. I think that often, the drug and porn go hand in hand, apparently for some women as well as the men.
knownfear1		#7	[-]
Posts: 4840 Mar 16 11 3:37 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Welcome, Yep, meth and porn do go hand and hand for a lot of addicts.... not all, but most. "why does he not come to me for his sexual pleasures"................ meth tends to also make the addict very selfish. He only has to please himself. He doesn't have to worry about your needs. Usually sex goes hand and hand as well. Marathon sex, "porn star" olympic event....... kinda sex, and crazy sexual perversions. Sexual acts that if sober, you just wouldn't dream of doing, like a straight man having gay sex. Protect yourself!
hvnlykarma	Excerpt from my book	#8	[-]
Posts: 564 Mar 16 11 5:44 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	"Then there’s the sex factor. Meth not only lowers inhibitions, but it increases the sex drive. That’s the nature of the drug. The euphoria, energy, stamina, lack of appetite and increased sex drive are all related to dopamine –- the chemical in the brain that meth affects most. Whether male or female, you can get it up and go for hours upon hours: As s-slapping, hair pulling, sheet soaking, up against the wall, unapologetic fu ck fests. And that’s if you’re in love with your partner. You can have intercourse or masturbate until you are raw. In the first stages of addiction, you can come countless times in a single session, regardless of age or gender. After a while, though, it’s all show and no go. You can masturbate or fu ck for as long as you want but nothing will happen. The drive is still there, you just never reach the finish line. Because of the lack of inhibitions, a lot of meth addicts engage in sexual activity they would never even consider if they were sober. Before using meth, I’d never seen an adult video. I didn’t know there were sex stores in Boise. The only porno magazine I’d ever seen was the Penthouse I found in my dad’s nightstand when I was in high school. The pictures aroused me, but I felt dirty and ashamed as soon as I put it back. As an adult, I certainly wasn’t a prude, but I think my horizons were about average for a woman my age. Once I started using, I left average behind and jumped the bell curve." Meth and porn (and deviant sex) go hand in hand.
Rocket57		#9	[-]
Posts: 3634 Mar 16 11 7:29 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Are these two connected? Meth & Porn? Uh...yeah.
traveller		#10	[-]
Posts: 1247 Mar 16 11 7:52 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	My guess would be all of the sexual issues you are describing - his porn obsession, his inability to perform... All of them come from drug use. One of the challenges for someone in this situation is that stopping the drug will not suddenly return everything back to normal. Enjoyment, performance... Can take quite a long time to come back. Also, if sex and meth have become entangled in the user's mind, then disentangling them takes time. Believe it or not, it can become very hard for some addicts to ever imagine that one is possible without the other. If I had to speculate, based on the details you posted, I would suspect his is a serious case which will require a great deal of work ON HIS PART To recover from. Recovery from meth is more than absitence. IT IS A PROCESS THAT TAKES MONTHS/YEARS. Not days/weeks.
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Confused Wife	Thank you LivesWithHorses1	#11	[-]
Posts: 27 Mar 16 11 12:43 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I appreciate all the comments good or bad as I need to understand this addiction quick. My daughter is 11 years old and it would kill me if she was taken away from me, especially if it's something I can avoid from happening. I do work full time and just not that I am the bread winner in this marriage. I know I know why am I still in this marriage when I could do alot better or at least be at ease with myself and daughter without him in our lives. But I'm scared of what's to come. I'm seeing a therapist every monday evening through my church and the ironic thing about you mentioning my daughter being taken away my therapist is a former police officer. I just began my therapy this past monday so I imagine my therapist will mention this on mt next visit. Thank you for this info and I mentioned before I'm new to all this and I want to do what is best for my daughter.
Confused Wife		#12	[-]
Posts: 27 Mar 16 11 1:28 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Thank you all for the comments. As i'm reading your comments tears are coming down my face because I just don't understand why I'm not strong enough to leave. I know I should for my daughter's sake but he keeps telling me that he is in love with me, I'm the best thing that has happened to him and that he would be lost without me. Help.......I need to know, when the time comes for me to leave what can I expect his reaction to be? Will he not care and maybe feel a relief that now he can do whatever he wants without sneaking around or will he be scared of losing us? I know that I will never get an answer from my husband as feels he's not doing anything wrong or illegal. Will he ever admit he is doing drugs? Will he deny it even if I show him what I have, the proof. About the Meth, can some please answer my questions? How long do you think he has been doing Meth? He twitches like crazy when he sleeps and moans like if he is having a nightmare. Had a paranoid experience about 2 years ago thought his computers where being hacked and he being spied on that I thought he was crazy but now I know that it was the meth. I think he purchases 2 baggies every 2 days not sure but that seems to be what I find when i go snooping. Eats alot of sweats and he is diabetic. But what is odd is when I take a picture of him he has this look like no one is there, empty. About the porn, I have so many questions that if anyone would help answer, for that I have a better understanding of what's going on. Thank you all in advance for all your comments. Why does he watch it for so many hours and almost every day.? Will he ever get an erection to last and not have his penis go soft? Will his seman ever be normal again? My daughters biggest fear is that her daddy will find another woman and be happier with her than he is with us. What do I tell my daughter? Any comments will help right now.
Sass		#13	[-]
Posts: 177 Mar 16 11 1:55 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Confused, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I have been where you are. Not so much with the porn, but in discovering that my husband was a meth addict. His personality changed. He isn't even the man I knew before. First and foremost, take care of yourself and your daughter. Leave, NOW! There is nothing good that can come from staying there. It is heartbreaking, I know. I tried to work my problems out for him for three years. It was wasted time. All I did was push myself to the brink of insanity and allow him to damage my self esteem. The truth is, he will find another woman. One that allows him to do meth or one that will do it with him......I have dealt with this. It hurts, but you have to remember the harsh treatment and abuse you are leaving. Trust me, she'll get no better than what you got!! Do not waste your time trying to talk him into treatment or changing. This will not happen until he hits his own rock bottom. Salvage your sanity and your daughters nerves, and go. I promise, things will get better!! Take care and blessings to you and your daughter. And, by the way, please don't drive yourself crazy trying to understand meth. You can't understand it. I tried and tried. I just couldn't understand how my husband could choose meth over myself and his son. He did, though, and there is no explaination for it!! He was arrested this past weekend for shooting a gun at his girlfriend in the house and choking her. I definitely don't want that to be me!! He called me from the jail!! Unbelievable. You just have to go no contact, and start over. I know this isn't easy to hear, but it is the only solution until he decides to change!!
Confused Wife	What's cross addiction	#14	[-]
Posts: 27 Mar 16 11 2:55 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	My husband while on meth like to drink vodka mixed with a soft drink. I have found that he pours his mixed vodka drink into a emptied water botter and then throws in the cut up tiny baggies and cut up straws into it and then drinks it. By drinking does it make the meth last longer? What's the purpose or is he just thirsty? Thanks!
Paws from hell		#15	[-]
Posts: 4189 Mar 16 11 3:01 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Confused ? I understand all your questions they have answers .. But if I may , your thoughts now should be does he want to quit . The porn is not about you . His brain is being flooded with chemistry meth is doing it's worse . His mistress is meth .. FWIW .. How sad that he might not be a part of seeing his daughter become a Lady .
Paws from hell		#16	[-]
Posts: 4189 Mar 16 11 3:44 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I definite misunderstood Last Edited By: Paws from hell Mar 18 11 8:59 PM. Edited 1 times.
sadmarylandguy		#17	[-]
Posts: 41 Mar 16 11 7:38 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	My relationship to my ex was similar to yours. He is a sex and meth addict. Follow everyone's advise and protect yourself and daughter. Cyberporn is just the beginning. It will get worse. As overwhelming as the idea may seem, leave. You and your daughter's life WILL GET BETTER ! Have you tried Al-anon or Nar-anon? They are great resources and it helps to be in a live room full of people in similar circumstances. Best of luck to you! I know your dealing with a lot right now.
knownfear1		#18	[-]
Posts: 4840 Mar 17 11 4:23 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	"How long do you think he has been doing Meth?"............ IMO.... that's almost an impossible question for any of us to answer. From what you've posted it looks like at least several years. " Why does he watch it for so many hours and almost every day.?"........... One thing about meth that you need to understand is the drug causes the brain to release MASSIVE amounts of dopamine. The "feel good"chemical that our brains naturally produce. While on meth you can do the most boring, mind-numbing activity for hours and hours and love every second of it. To the addict it feels like minutes instead of hours and hours instead of days. Time means nothing. You could cut your lawn with a pair of scissors and when you're done, ask your neighbor if he'd like his done the same way. Sounds insane doesn't it? Not to the addict! "Will he ever get an erection to last and not have his penis go soft?"............. That will recover in time. I don't have a problem in that area now, but it was becoming a problem when I was using. "Will his seman ever be normal again?"......... I'm not a Dr by any means, but I'd say his semen is that way because he is ejaculating way too much. It doesn't have any sperm in the fluid. I say that because after having a vasectomy, I have noticed that my semen is more "watery" and clearer and that's because there aren't any swimmers in there. "My husband while on meth like to drink vodka mixed with a soft drink. I have found that he pours his mixed vodka drink into a emptied water botter and then throws in the cut up tiny baggies and cut up straws into it and then drinks it. By drinking does it make the meth last longer? What's the purpose or is he just thirsty? ........He's doing that to get every little bit of dope that he can. There is residue left in the straws and baggies. I use to chew on the baggies and drink from the straws.
Paws from hell		#19	[-]
Posts: 4189 Mar 17 11 5:30 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	just another stupid comment . Last Edited By: Paws from hell Mar 18 11 9:00 PM. Edited 2 times.
release myslf		#20	[-]
Posts: 3117 Mar 17 11 5:53 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Confused Wife wrote: As i'm reading your comments tears are coming down my face because I just don't understand why I'm not strong enough to leave. I know I should for my daughter's sake but he keeps telling me that he is in love with me, I'm the best thing that has happened to him and that he would be lost without me. I believe there is a normal amount of fear associated with leaving a loved one and letting go. However, when we continue to accept very unacceptable behavior, when we put/keep our own lives and more importantly our children's lives in dangerous, extremely toxic environments........the fear, love, whatever is no longer normal/healthy. This, to me, means there are issues w/in you that you really need to address ASAP. Are you in therapy? Al-anon, nar-anon? And, it is very hard to leave when we are hearing what we wish was the reality of our relationship. He is being emotionally manipulative. Of course, he will claim his love for you......then he will get high and engage in porn and God only knows what else....you will get mad, make threats, etc....then he will claim his love for you and tell you all sorts of pretty things....then he will get high and watch porn. He is being enabled by you.........he is getting his cake and eating it too. Why should he quit when he's built and managed a nice, cozy little nest? You can break this cycle by doing what is best for your daughter and yourself. You have control over your own life and no one elses. If you can get yourself away, the less you will be effected by the word salad and toxicity. And, your daughter will have a shot at not learning that......this is what love means = pain, fear, lies, etc........ Help.......I need to know, when the time comes for me to leave what can I expect his reaction to be? Will he not care and maybe feel a relief that now he can do whatever he wants without sneaking around or will he be scared of losing us? O, goodness. Are you by chance......fearful to leave because leaving might confirm your worst nightmare......that he really doesn't love you, that his life will be fine without you because it must be you who aren't good enough for him? If so, I stayed stuck in that pit forever. I had zero self-esteem, and when my ex really got bad off in his porn addiction.......I lost it. It's like the ultimate confirmation that nothing about me was lovable or desireable....not even my body/sex. That was my issue though....becuase, in reality, my ex's addiction(s) had NOTHING to do with me....it was NEVER about me. There is no way to really predict what he will or will not do. I would make an educated guess that it will be up an down......when things are still seemingly working for him, he may not "care" and he may feel relief (cuz he can do what he wants w/out answering to anyone-yet)......when life goes to shyt, he will likely hate losing you and be "sorry". Here's the thing though......until he admits to himself he has major problems and until he works at recovering, NOTHING he says can or should be believed. My daughters biggest fear is that her daddy will find another woman and be happier with her than he is with us. What do I tell my daughter? How old is your daughter? IMO if she's an older adolescent you can say...........It looks like you feel really scared, angry, (insert emotion, etc.)......then you ask, you want to talk about those FEELINGS? (Hopefully, this will open her up to dialogue with you - LISTEN) Then, validate her feelings by repeating back what she said but include......I would feel really scared, angry, sad, etc too when/if (whatever she shared....example....daddy stays up all night acting weird)......... If she's younger, I'm not quite sure how she would be able to voice her fear specific to "daddy will find another woman and be happier"....she would have to be picking that up from you and your husband IMO. That really, IMO, isn't healthy for your daughter (no matter her age) or in her best interest. She shouldn't know details. That specific fear....to me....sounds like very adult talk and fears..... Anyhoo, I would continue.....by reassuring her that......no matter who we are.....we can't run from ourselves.....and we all have to find peace and happiness WITHIN ourselves.......other people, things, etc.....can't really make us happy. Mommy is working really hard to be okay within herself, and will do whatever it takes to protect you and make you feel safe. (AND STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY). O, if she is old enough, put her in Al-ateen. And, regardless....put her in therapy - yourself included. Hugs....I know this is so hard. You and your daughter will be okay though....if you choose for it to be!
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