Some very kind soul checked on me today.....and reminded me that I need to share my journey for others to hear, just in case someone out there needs to hear it.....so here goes nothing.
I have been 100% no contact for 5 months (except for the unfortunate beating that took place Thanksgiving night). I have an accepted contract on a house so I hope to be moving soon (away from his property and him). He is gone. He is a daily IV user at this point, stealing cars and whatever else he can get his grubby hands on to support his habit.......and I have absolutely no desire to 'help' him. I actually caught myself smiling the other day for no apparent reason.....I was just driving down the road and I looked up in my rear view mirror and there I was.....smiling at me. WOW! Just a a few months ago....I thought if he left....I might not be able to breathe without him.
I am proud to report that I am doing better than breathing......I am freakin LIVIN! He can walk around among the undead if he likes......I refuse to walk with him anymore.
I am still working on forgiveness.......I know I have to do that.....for me....not for him.....for me......and I will in time. I think I might be closer to real forgiveness than I even know. After all, how many angry, bitter people do you see smiling for no reason?
I just wanted to let all those loved ones know.....that loving from a distance really does work. It might not bring your addict to his/her bottom......but it can bring YOU out of the fog. The longer I stay away from the madness and drama that is him.....my mind becomes clearer and clearer.....just exactly like the addict who gets some clean time. It is truly amazing.
I am living proof that it can be done. I stayed in the madness for 25 yrs......(we were off and on for 25 yrs....but I never let it go)......and now I am finally free. My happiness does not depend on him anymore. I'm gonna keep that key in my own pocket....thank you very much.
And ya know what else? I'm really not angry at him anymore. In fact, another wise soul from KCI reminded me that he actually did me a favor by walking out like he did. If he would've come to me and told me he was done and he was leaving....I know, that in my sick mind, I would've been begging him to stay and all that would've done is keep me on the merry-go-round even longer. He did the perfect thing. He left without a word. And I don't even feel the need for 'closure' now. My closure is the image of him kissing my little girl on the forehead and looking her square in the eye and saying to her that he will be right back. He lied to her.
He never came back.......that's enough closure for me.
I hope someone gets something out of this. I hope someone who is the depths of hell can see that there is a light.......and a life......after meth.
I have been 100% no contact for 5 months (except for the unfortunate beating that took place Thanksgiving night). I have an accepted contract on a house so I hope to be moving soon (away from his property and him). He is gone. He is a daily IV user at this point, stealing cars and whatever else he can get his grubby hands on to support his habit.......and I have absolutely no desire to 'help' him. I actually caught myself smiling the other day for no apparent reason.....I was just driving down the road and I looked up in my rear view mirror and there I was.....smiling at me. WOW! Just a a few months ago....I thought if he left....I might not be able to breathe without him.
I am proud to report that I am doing better than breathing......I am freakin LIVIN! He can walk around among the undead if he likes......I refuse to walk with him anymore.
I am still working on forgiveness.......I know I have to do that.....for me....not for him.....for me......and I will in time. I think I might be closer to real forgiveness than I even know. After all, how many angry, bitter people do you see smiling for no reason?
I just wanted to let all those loved ones know.....that loving from a distance really does work. It might not bring your addict to his/her bottom......but it can bring YOU out of the fog. The longer I stay away from the madness and drama that is him.....my mind becomes clearer and clearer.....just exactly like the addict who gets some clean time. It is truly amazing.
I am living proof that it can be done. I stayed in the madness for 25 yrs......(we were off and on for 25 yrs....but I never let it go)......and now I am finally free. My happiness does not depend on him anymore. I'm gonna keep that key in my own pocket....thank you very much.
And ya know what else? I'm really not angry at him anymore. In fact, another wise soul from KCI reminded me that he actually did me a favor by walking out like he did. If he would've come to me and told me he was done and he was leaving....I know, that in my sick mind, I would've been begging him to stay and all that would've done is keep me on the merry-go-round even longer. He did the perfect thing. He left without a word. And I don't even feel the need for 'closure' now. My closure is the image of him kissing my little girl on the forehead and looking her square in the eye and saying to her that he will be right back. He lied to her.
He never came back.......that's enough closure for me.
I hope someone gets something out of this. I hope someone who is the depths of hell can see that there is a light.......and a life......after meth.
