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Posts: 3117
Dec 6 10 8:47 AM
That's courageous of you to admit your part - to confess that and get it off your chest. I think this is so crucial though...."I am actively looking for a new house. I have to move from there........or he will never let me live in peace. It is not a healthy situation for either of us."No matter what...you get yourself and children out of there!!! You are sooooooooooo right....you will never live in peace as long as he has ANY bit of access to you. You will never truly heal being stuck in the middle of that madness. IMO, you will continue to be like a volcano.....just waiting to erupt...The environment is sick and the only way to escape that sickness is to completely remove yourself from it. So, you have a real shot at recovering and changing your life!
I hope you have or will find some healthy support in real time (al-anon, therapy, narcissistic abuse recovery, etc.) to process your emotions....so that you can deal with this stuff in a healthy way....and it no longer eat away at your insides. Much love to you Gina!
Posts: 1500
Dec 6 10 8:58 AM
Posts: 1285
Dec 6 10 9:58 AM
Posts: 1611
Dec 6 10 11:11 AM
Posts: 403
Dec 6 10 11:24 AM
Dec 6 10 11:26 AM
Posts: 896
Dec 6 10 11:30 AM
Dec 6 10 11:32 AM
traveller wrote: Don't let the family transfer the feelings meant for him onto you.He's the force that drives ALL OF THIS. If they really valued you... Theyd set you free.
Dec 6 10 11:42 AM
release myslf wrote: you just keep the sick doors shut!
Dec 6 10 11:46 AM
fishslapr wrote: congratz on the qualifying Gina!!Like we talked about last week, I am so proud of you for the way you are moving forward. It may be wrong of me to be proud of you for standing your ground, but I am. Very proud. edited to add I cosign with what everyone else has said...
Posts: 1111
Dec 6 10 11:50 AM
Special Member
Dec 6 10 11:55 AM
traveller wrote: Feel compelled to add...The more I sit with the idea that the family is beginning you not to go...The more my stomach sinks.That feels really... like a really dark request. From very sick people.
Dec 6 10 11:56 AM
jg1985 wrote: I know I need therapy......I have said 1000 times I am going to get therapy......and I think the only thing holding me back at this point is.....I don't want my kids to think their mom is bonkers. They have seen so much.....too much.......and I just don't know what I would tell them. And I'm a single mother and I don't know what I would do with them when I do go.
Dec 6 10 12:00 PM
release myslf wrote:
Anyhow, I told my children....that it isn't crazy people who go to therapy....smart people go to therapy.....others just sit and suffer or continue in their sickness.
Dec 6 10 12:10 PM
They (his family) thinks that I am his savior because when he is with me is the only times he's been halfway clean. We have all been on this merry-go-round for 25 yrs.Wow, what an impossible responsibility they put on your shoulders!!! A responsibility that rightfully belongs to them to SOME degree. Of course, they don't want you off the merry-go-round....that would leave them with no one to shrug it off on. Sick people don't like their dynamics disturbed....it shed's light where they've worked hard to keep it dark.And they are deeply religious.......they simply don't understand the concept of tough love. Every single time the man has ever went to jail (numerous times - with 5 prison terms) they have paid GOBS of money to get him home. Every time his father and I talk he tells me that is his baby boy and as long as he is breathing he has to have hope that he will get clean. This is soooooooooo very sad.....because in reality, they are helping to kill him.Hell.....I promised his mother on her death bed 2 yrs ago that I would never leave him again. I promised that woman on her death bed that I would take care of her men (husband and boys).Ya' know what Gina? This can all be about interpretation........it ALL depends on what you consider helping is? You are taking care of him.....by standing up for yourself and being ONE LESS person who enables him and tends to his shyt!!! You may be the ONLY person in his life who FINALLY, TRULY helps him.
Dec 6 10 12:55 PM
release myslf wrote:They (his family) thinks that I am his savior because when he is with me is the only times he's been halfway clean. We have all been on this merry-go-round for 25 yrs.Wow, what an impossible responsibility they put on your shoulders!!! A responsibility that rightfully belongs to them to SOME degree. Of course, they don't want you off the merry-go-round....that would leave them with no one to shrug it off on. Sick people don't like their dynamics disturbed....it shed's light where they've worked hard to keep it dark.Cosign!!!!!And they are deeply religious.......they simply don't understand the concept of tough love. Every single time the man has ever went to jail (numerous times - with 5 prison terms) they have paid GOBS of money to get him home. Every time his father and I talk he tells me that is his baby boy and as long as he is breathing he has to have hope that he will get clean. This is soooooooooo very sad.....because in reality, they are helping to kill him.Hell.....I promised his mother on her death bed 2 yrs ago that I would never leave him again. I promised that woman on her death bed that I would take care of her men (husband and boys).Ya' know what Gina? This can all be about interpretation........it ALL depends on what you consider helping is? You are taking care of him.....by standing up for yourself and being ONE LESS person who enables him and tends to his shyt!!! You may be the ONLY person in his life who FINALLY, TRULY helps him.Cosign again!!!Hey, seahorse...I hope you are doing well.
They (his family) thinks that I am his savior because when he is with me is the only times he's been halfway clean. We have all been on this merry-go-round for 25 yrs.Wow, what an impossible responsibility they put on your shoulders!!! A responsibility that rightfully belongs to them to SOME degree. Of course, they don't want you off the merry-go-round....that would leave them with no one to shrug it off on. Sick people don't like their dynamics disturbed....it shed's light where they've worked hard to keep it dark.Cosign!!!!!
And they are deeply religious.......they simply don't understand the concept of tough love. Every single time the man has ever went to jail (numerous times - with 5 prison terms) they have paid GOBS of money to get him home. Every time his father and I talk he tells me that is his baby boy and as long as he is breathing he has to have hope that he will get clean. This is soooooooooo very sad.....because in reality, they are helping to kill him.Hell.....I promised his mother on her death bed 2 yrs ago that I would never leave him again. I promised that woman on her death bed that I would take care of her men (husband and boys).Ya' know what Gina? This can all be about interpretation........it ALL depends on what you consider helping is? You are taking care of him.....by standing up for yourself and being ONE LESS person who enables him and tends to his shyt!!! You may be the ONLY person in his life who FINALLY, TRULY helps him.
Cosign again!!!
Posts: 5223
Dec 6 10 1:19 PM
Forum Friend
Dec 7 10 5:52 AM
phoenix wrote: I really respect your honesty and openness JG and I understand.... But, P L E A S E do whatever it takes so that you don't have to ever "go there" again...It's a blessing that either of you didn't get hurt worse.Make some calls...
Posts: 13283
Dec 7 10 6:29 AM
Best Friend to KCI
jg1985 wrote:Hate is not the opposite of love........indifference is........I wish I was indifferent. I hate this man.......you have to have love in order to feel hate. I wish I knew where I could find some indifference.
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