I met my fiance about 13 days into sobriety. I have only touched a needle once and didn't even use meth when I did. He has used a needle over 5 years and is about 2 years clean with a few *!#! ups here and there. We have #%@#%% up two or three times together but now we have bills, good jobs and my daughter [2 year old] has come to live with us. He has told me his needle use was infused with porn and sex. He said he won't be unfaithful but I am uneasy. Even now, he has to have an orgasm once a day and I can't keep up with his sex drive. We're ten years apart and he's the older one, and normally I just want something quick so I can relax or go to sleep. He likes being dirty and if I don't give him sex, he resorts to porn. I hate the porn. He told me once that the last girl he was with he had her giving him oral sex while having a porno mag over her back and porn on. That image scares me. I am afraid I won't be strong enough if he brings the needle around. Last night he asked if I would leave him if he used again. I don't know how to feel or what to say. I am so stressed and angry and afraid. I don't want to start being psychotic again, and I am a spiritual person so meth really made me crazy and I can't turn down meth when it's around and I just don't know what to do. I am scared he will cheat on me if I don't go along with it, and I can't stand the thought of him using around me. He claims he's a "home" user and was trying to promise me he wouldn't be around anyone and all he wants is to get high and watch porn. I don't know what to do. There's more but I can't type much at the moment. I feel alone. I don't want him to be afraid to open up to me, considering we are the same, and I don't want to cut off but I just feel as if I'm about to lose him to porn and needles and I am just so heartbroken. I sometimes wish I had been a needle user too instead of using in other ways that way it wouldn't be so hard.
