my circulation going wrong. blood pressure once was 175 over 95 so I got blood pressure pills and continued
use, I knew it was killing me but I loved it sooo much.
I loved being thin, and kept going.
and then.
my hands started looking old first, then, I noticed my skin hanging from dehydration and rapid weight loss,
I had dark circles under my eyes,
my skin looked bad.
I went threw alot of phases with side effects and meth.
first fever blisters, then my voice would go away, hives,
bruising easily,translucent,motor cortex retardation,cutting my hair like rod stewarts eveytime, (thats one way my friends knew it every time,... my hair!) malnutrition, dehydration, dreams of paralysis I could'nt wake up from .
..freaky.
then the breaker box effect, like if you flipped one off and back on...I'd mentally fall into a shutting down thing
then click back on before I passed out...wide awake.

I got "spinning energy " what I called it anyway.....
If you look into a bright light then close your eyes you get an impression of the light...
...burning sort of right?
well spin that, like spinning light.
then add being awake, and seeing it when I would stare at a
person or wall...
I could see thru it, at least it was clear, but this went on for a month while I was recovering once.
I looked older because of , dehydration, lack of sleep,
malnutrition.
A great description is people in Nazi concentration camps.
I could wear make up, but my body, mind and complexion were
not good.


I stopped several times, this last time I lost everything,
I wished I was in a padded cell so I would not have to look for anything else that day.


I went insane and lost the ability to feed my bottom feeding,fiending, strung out, retarded, courtney love cousin, pathetic self speed...


...I fAILED at the simple task of feeding myself speed.
that's all I had to do...and Ijust forgot how for a minute.

how to hold a job to buy more, or a place to live

myass was all I had left to sell,at least I feel like I still have my soul...
.......but I definintly lost everything else.

then when I came down I was so depressed, and felt like
dying, just numb,I can't live without it I thought,
I wanted to die using cause I could'nt live without it.



it gets your sanity to be a dish on a buffett table.....picked off of by the biychthatfukedus all.....speed.

.................it made me greedy, and a liar.. things I'm really not at heart.



it's like it makes a part of your brain, rotten.
like a bad person lives in us all that forever,


AND
you will blow up like someone out an air hose up your butt
when it's over.




..that's what you can expect.
anything goes.

....everyone knows.