wonderwoman wrote: And I am trying to figure out how do you grieve?
How do you do this so it is done and you can just move the hell on - where are the damnn instructions to doing this so it doesn't keep catching me off guard and ruining an otherwise decent day.

Hey my love! I hope you are having a great day!

Ahhh, that "what if" think'n. It has been a major target in my recovery...battling it head on. It takes pain and tears sometimes to make me realize I've slipped right back into that mode...

When I first started with recovery and trying to stick to zero contact, this is what I did that truly helped me...

I sat down and made a list. I listed things I was grateful for today, things I NEED TO ACCEPT, things I CANNOT CHANGE, and then, in big, bold letters, I wrote "RANDI, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE?

I used to think I wanted this big house, picket fence, shop in the back yard, and to travel with my x all over the world! I based my dreams and life off of this idea I had about me and this "man". Problem is...none of it was based in reality. Another problem was, my dreams were dreams I grew up being told I was supposed to have...

He couldn't get to work unless high, he couldn't afford to eat many times, he only left his house outside of work to go to wal-mart at wee hours in the morning, what he did have was being repossessed, he never saw his own son! I can literally count on one hand how many times we went somewhere in the six years we "dated".

HELLLLOOO Randi....reality check! How could I accomplish my dreams with this person? I wasn't...I was afraid, sick, and distracted from myself!

When I started being honest...and I owned my part...I was wrong for expecting those things from him, I was wrong for living in "what if", I was *gulp, swallow* wrong for believing in his potential.

Point is...when I accepted reality.....boom, poof...grief started disappearing fast. Cuz, the thing is....I was grieving over something that wasn't real in the first place!!!!!

Today, I am learning what I really want in life. Hell, I do not even want a husband or a picket fence image I do want to travel. So, I have three trips planned already for this year!!!

The more action I take to water my own garden and make my real wants and desires come true, the less I grieve over that relationship (that wasn't really a relationship or love to begin with)!

Hope some of this rambling made sense image I wuuvvvvv you!

Last Edited By: release myslf May 6 09 6:10 AM. Edited 1 times.