Hello!

Tiggertoes wrote: He's very shy and quiet; I don't get many cues from him about how he feels, other than that he does call and wants to get together regularly. I have a lot of past issues myself (not drugs or alcohol though) so I'm plenty insecure. Staying the course with him is taking tremendous faith, security, and patience on my part because I'm used to lots of verbal validation (such as they like me, I'm pretty, whatever) from whomever I'm dating. Early on he told me that he'd never dated without drugs or alcohol and didn't know what to do or say sometimes. Which was valuable info, but I still get insecure because I have NO idea how much he likes me and I'm afraid to ask for fear of scaring him.

Is this shyness and quietness typical of a person in recovery? Is it because he used for so long? This is all new to me.

Still I like him so much I couldn't fathom not trying to stick in there and see if he can get more comfortable with me in time.


Here's my take...words are VERY cheap anyway (they give a false sense of security). ACTIONS speak the loudest!!! Watch what he does...do you know the signs of drug abuse? Get educated so that you are aware. Do you know if you are the first person he has dated sense working his recovery? Now, that's my opinion on his part...


Now for your part...

Ya' know, regardless of what the other person is doing (drugs, porn, controlling, abusive, nicest guy on earth, preacher, best lover, etc.), none of it matters if we are not okay and healthy within ourselves! I ended up in hell over being unhealthy. I ended up with an abusive man who was also a meth addict! I believed that my entire self-worth was wrapped up in what he did, what he thought about me, how he acted, how he treated me...it took a LONG, PAINFUL road for me to admit this, and it took recovery for me to realize that his actions, beliefs, thougths, etc. were soley his. I am separate from him, which is hard to grasp once you've lost yourself to another human being and their addiction!

It's just as easy, if you are not healthy and secure, to lose yourself to someone in recovery...cuz, it isn't about them. It's about ourselves! No matter where we go, who we date, where we escape, where we busy ourselves, we are there...with all our own issues!

When I first came here, I kept looking for answers to explain HIS behavior. It never worked. I can't really know what someone else feels or will do. I have no control over anyone. It ended up being about me...my behavior, my desires, my beliefs, my PERCEPTIONS...

At the end of the day, it's all about being honest with ourselves and looking within. Meth aside, if you aren't okay....none of your relationships will be okay IMO.

Keep coming back,
Randi