justplaintired wrote:
I know you are right, yes, I do find myself doing that at times. It just hurts all the way around, hard to describe to anyone.

How do you get over the cheating, the infidelity, the betrayal? Why does being with an addict make the cheating, infidelity and betrayal worse?

It sickens me to know what when on the first couple of years in our relationship, but what really scares me is not ever knowing ALL OF WHAT WENT ON. The things I will never ever know about, but exist because they happened!! What a sick cycle!! Why can't I get angry enough to tell him to kiss my ass and leave? Why is that so damn hard?

Find yourself a support group to help yourself start healing. Naranon (for loved ones of addicts) isn't as widely available, so I'd suggest looking for an Alanon group in your area.

You don't have to go down with the sinking ship.