Every single time I quit using meth,
I was damn lucky , I guess, to get to do it in jail.
And then , EVERY time I got out of jail, (4 times)
I was court ordered to attend treatment (in patient once and out patient 3 times)
Always with the treatment, I HAD to attend AA or NA meetings.

I always went....
I did the steps, with guides...like 4 times.
I stayed clean for 8 months after the first jail term and in patient treatment.

But was not clean for the others....
I would calculate when I could use again, after the Wednesday meeting, I felt like I could get high ....
*Safe* again until Sunday night.

I would sit down on Wednesday afternoons...
And *Do my Homework*...
In spite of myself,
I just kept picking up little pearls of wisdom...

Just kept meeting folks who were no longer struggling ..
I eventually realized that I REALLY did want what They had..
I really did want out of that nightmare that had come to be My Life.

I no longer attend NA Meetings on a regular basis
But will pop in from time to time, just because...image
When my husband gets out of prison,
I will be going with him ,
I plan on showing him The Support that he could not show me..
(He was too lost in his addiction)

I was not comfortable in those meetings..
Obviously, cuz I was still using..
But one of the things I kept hearing was
*Fake it until you Make It!*
And eventually, it worked!
Funny thing too, is after I went through my pathetic little stash of belongings that folks had saved for me,
After our house got raided, trashed, robbed and before it burned down...
I was SO HAPPY and grateful to find a small box of most all of my copies of The Big Book and the NA Books and my Step Books.

So (((((((Robby)))))
What do you have to lose, by trying
To FAKE it until YOU MAKE IT??????
Love, Roxi