Robby, I have to keep reminding myself that your still actively using. Your not going to get it at first, it all seems like BS. You just have to trust what your sponcer says. The big book has saved many lives. All other 12 step programs were derived from it. It may not make sense but that doesn't make it BS. After being clean for awhile the fog will clear and it will start to make sense. If you want it to. You have to stop finding fault and arguing with everything and everyone thats trying to help you.