Oh we all think it is BS at first .... none of it made a damn bit of sense to me for month and months .... I heard a few things that did .... i totally got where it talked about the jumping off point ..... because I had gotten there ..... I could no longer imagine my life with out using ... but I also could not imagine my life with it anymore - what a Fu*ked up spot to be at ............ UGH. But after I just kept reading and and doing ALOT OF CRAP that made no sense and that I didnt agree with ..... I began to find it was making sense .. I was feeling better .... .... a little more free. See I LOVED to be the BAD GIRL ... I have been to jail more times then I can count - by the grace of god never made it to prison .... I got 14 months county my longest sentence and time served ever that still didnt stop me ..... took me a few more years and getting hooked on the needle ....

See beginning recovery is HARD it is confusing it goes against everything we have been trained to believe out there in the drug world ... so it is super confusing .... seperating the drug person and life we lived ..... and digesting all this new recovery crap ... but after sometime ... depending on how bad you want it ..... it slowly begins to make more sense ..... feel better .... and not be such BS

I was so screwed in the head I literally thought it was a cult ... they read the same stuff talked about GOD all the time hugged ICK i hated it .... and then I truly thought once they got you sucked in and BrAiN WaShEd ... they took people out and did human sacraficing .... I REALLY DID .... but that was my head detoxing off all the crap ,,,, .....the disease inside of me trying to make me HOLD ON to that life and those beliefs i had been living for so long .... and one day it came to me ...................... If this is BRAING WASHING .... I probably needed it ........ so all I did once someone kindly reminded me if I didnt like what I got out of it after I had given it an honest 110% for a year ... that the drug world would still be there waiting ... that was a relief to know DUH ...... IT WASNT GOING ANYWHERE that world will always be there .....so I said OK ... I'll give this thing a shot .... & see what happens

that book that sounded like a foreign language to me that made no sense that sounded like BS ... blah blah the stupid sponsor crap I thought was even the DUMBEST Idea ever .................... well ONE MORE TIME ... I discovered - I was wrong .... my ideas amounted to nothing none of it was true it wasnt a cult ..... the Big Book does make sense .... and we are in there ....


We are selfish ...selfcentered ..... tornados when we are using tearing through peoples lives .... and causing damage everywhere we go ... half the time believing the lie of all lies .......... " I am not hurting anyone but myself" that turns out to be crap and the biggest BS out there .... I discovered over time.


Dont worry about it making sense RIGHT AWAY .... it didnt to me either ......... but I just kept reading it .... reading it ... Drs opinion through the first 164 pages which is where the program is .... that is where the steps are and that Is the PROGRAM ... the meetings are just the fellowship and an extended party of the program ... but the program is in the first 164 pages .............. take your time ... surrender a little more each day

tomorrow say OK I dont agree with this - but I am gonna do it anyway ..... and keep doing that you will be AMAZED what you get out of it .... Honestly for a meth needle junkie like me to even be sitting here sober the night after New Years Eve ..... and to even KNOW yesterday was NEW YEARS EVE is amazing .... I never knew it when I was using I'll tell ya that ...... just try to keep it simple.


Sorry so long ................ but YEs I felt like you at one time .......... and now I know that book saved my life and changed it for the better ... better then I could have ever planned myself. if you have any specific questions about it ask ... I'd be glad to help