Hemetchik wrote:
what would you do if she wanted you back?

just curious, do you have a game plan for that?

deb
That's a good question, deb, and it's one I've pondered many times. Each time I come to the same conclusion - No. As long as she is on the path she is taking, I cannot do that, and even if she gets off of that path and on the right one, I just don't know that I could - or would - do it. She has been a solid individual until this tragedy has unfolded. Still, the damage has been done, and it would take an awfully long time to build back the trust that is gone, if that could happen at all.

Is she to the point where there is no return? To the point that trust is never possible? Can she beat this? You all seem to be evidence that she can, but the trust issue concerning the individual she's with now and overall dependability may be too much to overcome.

You're right. I never would forgive myself if she was drunk or high on something and killed or injured one of my children.

So I guess my answer is that I sort of have a game plan - the same one I've had. I am going to look out for the well being of my kids and hope that healthy happiness finds me along the way. I know I'm doing right by my kids, and that has empowered me. As long as I put my children first, I have to believe I have a game plan for anything, including a scenario in which she wants to reconcile. I'm going through with the divorce no matter what. If things fall into place down the line (way down the line - she'd have a lot of proving to do, as well as significant behavioral changes), so be it. I do still love her, but love is not enough. I am in a place now where I feel good about who I am, and I will not allow her to take that away from me.

So I guess that's my plan.

See any chinks in the armor?

Thanks for everything,
Mike

P.S. Wildflower, my kids are confused. My eldest son (almost 16) has lost all respect for her and doesn't want to be with her now or after the divorce. My middle child (daughter, 14) is the most open about her feelings, and she is disgusted by her mom's behavior but seems to know that this is not the mom she knows. My youngest (11) doesn't know what the heck is going on... just that mom is not around and he doesn't seem to blame me for that (I've inquired), though he is not much of a talker and I'm unsure what's going on in his head. They all still love their mom, and I will not take that away from them. They will make their own choices. I will not attempt to make choices for them, but I will be honest with them when they ask me to. Thanks.