Sierra , from the bottom of my heart I hank you for you kind words - they are not just words to me , I feel them ! I do not want this disease to end my life but I know it will if I do not stop .. the thing is that It is not fun anymore but for some reason I am still trying for it to be and that right there is the insanity - more than dying I hate the person that I have become , each time I use it steals more and more for me - I still have a chance and as long as one person believes in me when I do not then it gives me hope that I can love myself one day and to keep fighting - I feel depressed and know that a hit will take away that depression but then I will be thinking I am being Hunted by bloods and crypts and am being shot at , and i just want to eat and sleep tonight. I have that incredible obsession to use tonight but almost do not have the energy to search for it and use ... so by the grace of God I can be clean today as day 1 again and wake up tomorrow ...