"How do you justify ingesting a known depressant then? (Alcohol) "


I'm not even really justifying it, but my experience with this so-called depressant is that:

My mood improves dramatically and immediately when I drink.
I feel more energetic.
I generally become super motivated to do things.
I enjoy the lowered inhibitions (I am actually quite conservative by nature, so I loosen up and relax).


If I drink less than say, 6 drinks and do not drink two or more days in a row, I avoid the reboud depression that KSFM was talking about earlier, which in the past, has been debilitating to me (literally unable to work, sitting at my desk in a paralysis of doom), but these days is mild to non-existent because I refuse to allow myself to drink that much. (Most times. And when I do overdo it, I am able to recognize that it's a rebound depression, which lasts about 3 days, and I just power through it.)

The thing is, I would like to not drink anymore. But it's been a struggle, for years now, to successfully not drink.


Everyone has their problems. Some people should exercise more (and they tell themselves that). Others wish they could stop eating so much junk food. Others spend too much money at the mall. Not enough to be some crazy addiction, but enough to be annoying and cause a few problems in their lives. Is my drinking a small problem or a big one? I start to feel silly hanging aroudn recovery sites, giving advice to not drink (because I KNOW it is good advice) when I feel like i can't take it myself.


I am not trying to be a pain in the ass here, but something is obviously escaping me. I used to call it NA guilt - guilted into thinking that one drink will send me back to hell and back.

Except it didn't.

I don't know what to make of my empirical evidence.