Been up for 2 days again , crashing hard - found myself going to a CMA meeting and walking in the ghetto , lost in mind and physical too ... running , tweaked out and afraid that the gangsters were shooting at me , I was diving on the ground and the cops stopped me , asked me what was wrong - I was crying and told them I was just trying to go to a meeting but was lost , they told me I was a block away from where I needed to be ... when I walked away they told me to lay off the drugs before it is too late .... I went to the meeting and cried through the whole thing , met some new friends though ; got a sponsor again , ironically it is a guy I met at that same meeting in September when I was in SD . He sat with me for hours and we chatted , he is so much like me actually , he said that he is at his limit with school and other sponsees but feels I need the help and feels I can do this , he said you don't have to want recovery , you just have to do the work and let people help you - I am lying here trying to sleep , the voices are awful , the pain is unbearable , but somehow I feel this will happen again , the drugs are starting not to work , I am in the late stages of my addiction .. the question is and always was ... Can I let go ?? Hemet , if I do not get into stepping stone then maybe I will come there ... I guess that is where your name comes from.

So Robby is going to sleep and will get up tomorrow and go to a meeting , then a kind man and my sponsor will take me to get a doctor and my TB test ... I know people think I am full of shyt but in reality I am just sick and sad , we were all there once were we not ??