amlynne wrote:
I know I shouldn't feel guilty.......................and I am trying not too.

It is so hard to accept and hear now after he is gone, things that he told people about what happened between us....

things he couldn't say to me..

the regrets he had for things he did........I wish he could have forgiven himself

Amy you absolutely do not need to feel guilty. You showed Rob the way really - he may never have come to feel regret for the things that happened and it seems to me that there would never have been any healing between you at all or for the kids if you had no had the courage to leave and recover and clean up your life even if it meant leaving him behind.

No matter how much you love(d) him - you needed to love yourself enough to survive and yes - thrive. You did none of that at his expense and in fact by doing that you gave him something to see - that it could be done.

You gave Rob a tremendous gift. You give us a tremendous gift by posting where you are at and what you are doing to hang on to your recovery each and every day - whether it is the good or the bad.

His regret and your desire to forgive and for him to feel forgiven show me just what an enormous effect your recovery had on Rob and how much it matters in the world - that an addicts recovery (your recovery) stretches far beyond themselves (yourself) - putting something positive out into the world just as addiction does the opposite - it affects far more than the individual addict.

Rob was able to face himself and not hide the knowledge of what he did from himself - he knew and owned it and that is huge. It meant (to me) he could go face God with an honest heart. There he will find forgiveness and love and healing.

I think like always you do the footwork and leave the results up to your Higher Power. Amy, your God had better plans for you and I for one am thankful you were able to answer the call. For you, for your children, for Rob, for your fiancee and yes for us here who get to witness and learn from you.

Sending you love and hugs and a peaceful heart.