When people lash out it is usually something they see in themselves. That being said, Robby, you have continued to say no one here understands or is like you. Wrong, you see every addict here has been where you are in some way, shape, or form.....only they learned to accept responsibility for their actions.......that is the bottom line friend. They lash out, and I am also trying not to do so,....because they have each and every one faught this same battle, the same demon and had the same failures tho not as many times as you.....heck, I prolly failed more times than you.......only the reason we have gotten clean and you havent is we learned from our failures, took action against those failures and never quit trying. We LISTENED to those who have been before us.....we WORKED at our recoveries.

The disease didnt win out again Robbie,......you threw in the towel yet again. At the most critical time of your recovery you did again what you always do,....pack up and go. Aren't you ever going to get tired of running from yourself? We're just heading into winter, you were homeless!! you said you were praying and hoping for a treatment program, a place to sleep, and eat! Personally,...if I was homeless,...living on treasure island would be a fantasy come true. Recovery program aside, what a place to wake up and see the SF skyline, the bridges, the whole bay area! oh wait! they expected you to do chores!! how dare them! welcome to the real world......dealing with the real world is what recovery is about! No more running from reality by gettin high. There is still a high to be had,..it's the high of living a life well, without substances.....You'll never know the high of doing the right thing, because you do not seem to be willing to put forth the effort......

Run Robbie Run..........when is it going to end? If you put forth the energy into sobriety you do in running from reality, you would find it easier than you ever imagined....that is what everyone here has been tryin to get you to see. If you understand your problems ( addiction, BPD, and whatever all else you say you have ) you can deal with the problem, then there is no problem...... and yes, it is that simple of a solution.....only again....you have to put in the work!