Amy I am so sorry for what happened.It is a tragedy.

Don't use no matter what..
That statement says a lot and has kept many addicts
clean.Life brings us so much that causes us pain..Especially
when a loved one is lost...
Research of addiction has helped with my recovery.And the
same could help you with how to deal with loss..
But using is not the answer.That is getting back into our
own minds and wanting to suppress our feelings.It is not about
us only.You have others that are by your side..Your children
that would not benefit from you falling apart...We set the
wrong example for so long..And changed..Don't repeat that.
Love and hugs...