Thanks Devon. I have really struggled with wanting to drink the past 2 days. I thought -- I'm by myself today - I could go get a 6-pack. But, I know me and that 6-pack would turn into a big bottle of wine to top it off. I don't want to be drunk and on teh verge of passing out when my 10 year old gets here this evening. She deserves better than that. So, I took my prozac and I'm going ot clean up, make some food for us and try and have a good day.

I am thankful to God for being with me through this. I have cried out to Him and I am feeling his presence. I am heartbroken --- but I am strong and I will get on with my life. I have always (alwyas) needed a man. Never got daddy's love - in fact daddy beat the crap out of me adn was a mean sob to me. It is something in my core I am determined to fix.

You know when were in marriage counseling the marriage counselor asked me why it was important that me and B have sex. I couldn't come up with an answer. I was ashamed to tell her because I felt it would keep us together. That is dysfunctional. I should want sex for pleasure and closeness with my mate. Not as a duty or as something I'm using to try and keep him with me.