Hi Robbie My name is Savannah. I am 23 yrs old, probably younger than you, but I have wisdome just as much as any one else here does. I will have 4 yrs clean in march. I suffer from mental disorders, I am a cutter, I was balemic and anorexic at one point. I have been sexual and phsyically abused. Some of my problems I could not prevent, but ya know what Robbie? Most of them were slef inflicted. That does not mean that I am beneath anyone or that I am a bad person, it just means I am human. Getting clean is hell on earth, but oh so worth it. It's a long process and many times you will think "whats the point". Ya wanna know why you think that (in my opinion)1. beacuse of your exsisting problems and your need to "feel better' and 2. beacuse you are mentally addicted to the drug now. Robbie you will never be able to fix thoes exsisting problem if you are high. You wont be able to go to a phsyc ward if you are high or even test positve. I went to the hospital suicidal one time when i was still using, told them I had been using. They tested me and it came back clean cuz I had used the day befour and he told me that was a really good thing because had I been dirty I would have spent the night in jail.


Ya know a lot of ppl don't take me seriously because I am so young, but the way I see it is if someone as young and as nieve as i was can make the decision to get clean so she can get her life back then so can you. I believe the ability to get clean direclty relates to how strong your desire is to be clean. I believe you want to be clean Robbie......I really do, but I don't believe you want it bad enough.

I went to rehab, got out, and relasped a week later. Then I decided enough was enough. I have been to tons of meetings in my life. I have read literature and books and everything, but in the end what really kept me clean is beacuse I WANTED to be.

The best of luck to you Robbie. I suggest you find a quiet place (try to do this sober if only for a few minutes) and think real hard about what you really want and how YOU are gonna get it.