Remember that you are human. We all make mistakes. The things you did on drugs helped bring you to your bottom. They helped you to hate yourself so much that you were ready to change. I hold on to a patricualy ugly event from my past that I bring to mind when I think about pickiing up. Don't want to go back there and I know it could easily happen. When using your mind is not yours it belongs to the diease and you accept things that straight you would not. Then you use to help ease the pain of the things you did. It a vicsous circle. You have choosen to step out of it. So forgive yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know. You will still make mistakes in life however 17 years of soberity and none of my mistakes have been as ugly as the stuff I did while using. Those choices I made when using help me to stay clean today.