JUST THROW THAT POISON SHYT AWAY.
DAMMIT WOMAN~ JUST DO IT.

But just in case you do not, and are secretly kind of hoping that you get busted and 
THAT way, the choice WILL be made for you,,,
And you will be forced to quit...
For at least a year anyway...
JUST so you know,
That , for me, that year that I spent behind bars was actually most liberating...
The LAST 6 months  I realized that I felt WAAAAAY more freedom in my tiny room
Than I EVER HONESTLY felt while I was suffering in addiction.

I found many creative ways to keep myself busy while the hours dragged on....
I did things like...
In order to work through the intense anxiety of
NOT being there for my children...
I drew pictures of them being surrounded by angels...
If I remember correctly~
While you do not have children...
Don't you have a fine dog that you spend a lot of time with?
WHO will take care of your dog once you end up in jail...
IF you are on probation,
Then the chances are EXTREMELY high that YOU WILL END UP IN JAIL...
Would it be King County?
Because that jail ABSOLUTELY SUCKS.
(I spent years and years living in Washington)

Another thing I did was to regularily schedule time to stand and stare out the window....
I would count the birds that flew by...
That and 45 minutes a day outside on a cement slab with brick walls and a chain link type roof was the ONLY *Nature* that I got..
I had to make due with things like memorizing how many steps it took to walk
The inside perimeter of outside rec area,
So that I could amuse myself and exercise my brain 
By walking the perimeter with my eyes closed....

Things like that......
And then there are the other incarcerated women...
Some were very sad.
Some were very scared.
Some were angry.
Some were downright fcking mean.
You simply have no choice but to learn to live with them.
You have NO private time...
The clothes you have to wear are uncomfortable and ugly .
The food they give you is ANYTHING but fresh...
Well, we did get oranges a few times a week so that was GREAT.

COME ON, Tenaciousone,
WHY did you choose your screen name?
Are you NOT tenacious?


You ARE SUFFERING IN ADDICTION.
Your words seem to me like you are seriously downplaying the true damage that you are causing .

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hear my words.
PLEASE STOP while you might be ahead.

I am going to suggest now that
EVERY SINGLE TIME you go to light up a damn foil.
Or lightbulb..
OR however way you choose to deceive yourself,
That from this point on,
Your mother's face flashes into your consciousness and you think how your use is affecting her.

Or maybe even YOUR image , your Healthy YOU,
The one who does NOT use....flashes across your mental screen also,
Just for good measure.

The thrill of using is PURE DECEPTION.
LIES.

YOU CAN QUIT.

Again, Sincerely with Love, Roxi