People can't help you if they don't know where you're at. If you go to meetings, share. If you see a therapist or a psychiatrist, tell them. But most importantly tell your Mom since she's your biggest support. All addicts need accountability and honesty. The whole world could use more of it.

My previous sponsor asked me what I was going to do with all of the white key chains I picked up at NA. Wallpaper a room? I was honest when I relapsed, but I suspect that many people aren't. Not being completely honest with yourself is one of the reasons people might relapse. For me it was more easy to admit to others that I had used than to admit TO MYSELF that I had been the equivalent of a dry drunk for years while being abstinent from drug use but not recovering. I developed a cross addiction to shopping instead of focusing on life on life's terms like getting a job.

It weakens the recovery network if people don't admit it when they relapse. One of the last NA meetings I went to I overheard the exact same ex sponsor say that she wanted to get home to smoke a cigeratte. She had been bragging about quitting smoking, making people assume she had quit cold turkey. I'm going to start attending NA again and find a sponsor who is honest.

Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself in healthy ways. Every hour or day or whatever time measurement you use to mark clean time is an accomplishment when you've recently had that crap highjacking your system. There's a difference between a relapse and a prolapse. In a prolapse you can learn from your slip and become stronger in your recovery.