Welcome to KCI Breakingpoint. There is no need to apologize for nearly forgetting to introduce yourself, I'm pretty sure we all understand.

It seems your husband has had a problem committing to recovery, kind of like an on again/off again engagement, one where he is sure he will always be welcome back...or at least was sure...now he's probably not so sure after all, perhaps even a bit frightened of the idea of loosing that welcome.

You mention that now he attends NA meetings, which he did not do before, this seems to be a positive sign that he may be ready to commit to his recovery, at the least it's a good step forward for him.

Your children at ages 9&13 probably know more about what's happening and has happened than you realize, kids are smart that way...if they are asking for a reason for Dad being gone, I think the truth would go a long way to allowing them a context to place the event, without placing blame, as long as it's presented right. It may also help them understand previous behaviors and family dynamics.

Maybe sit down with your husband and explain that this isn't you trying to derail his recovery, but you seeking a way into a recovery of your own that will hopefully help create and equal recovery for both of you. Point out that he's already taken steps to further his own recovery with his voluntary attendance at meetings. That both of you will be learning new coping mechanisms for the things life throws at you.

I suggest you also find a support group, Alanon or Naranon are good places to do so, of course, this forum will be here for you.

I understand the feeling of lost and confused, the second guessing...I also understand that you have to take care of your needs first. You can't help him until you help yourself.