Just wanted to give an update: today is day 59. I finally refigured out how to log back in on here. Been so long i forgot. So what have i been up to the last few months:
Went to one rehab center, got kicked out after 4 days (me detoxing off meth, combined with a bad day at court and staff member being stupid equals me blowing up on said staff member, they didnt approve of my actions). Relapsed really bad 3 weeks after release. Put myself into psychosis for 3 days hearing voices, seeing people that werent there, heaing radios going off, etc. thought i had contributed to a friend of mine dying (turns out shes still alive), ekg showed minimal atrial activity the day i went to rehab for the second time, been removed from my house by dhs since feb 20th. Went to a second rehab facility. This one was much better. They actually understand addiction. I finally embraced the 12 steps and got my ass a sponsor while in rehab. While there i attended 36 meetings in 28 days. Ive continued to attend 12 step meetings. Im at 70 in the last 57 days. While im still not allowed back home, ive accepted that i caused this situation and i bear burden of proving myself fit to return home. Work has improved much faster than my personal life. Ive begun the med board process for a medical retirement. My command is actively fighting the chapter process that would kick me out. And im slowly working my way back to my old job. Has any of this been easy? $$+* no! Its been a #$%$!! Probably the hardest thing ive ever done in my life. My 14 year old has begun to try and take advantage of the situation and is attempting to manipulate me into doing what he wants. I dont give in to that +!*! but it is making my life %%+$*#* miserable. Some of my friends have slipped and ive been there for them just as they've been there for me when i was feeling down and considering slipping myself. All in all, while my life is still a +!*! storm, i do see the light at the end. It may be distant, but its there. The 9 meetings i attend a week (taking mondays off) help me to see that. Special thanks to Carol for being there and checking on me daily along with my many friends from rehab that do as well. Tomorrow makes 60 days.